Amandine, 28: “I’ve clearly become a cat girl”

• First name : Amandina
• Age : 28 years
• Place of living: a small provincial town after spending eight years in Paris
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation: heterosexual

How long have you been single?

For six years. There have been attempts over the years, but nothing conclusive, so I’m sticking with this figure.

Six years ago, I got out of a very suffocating exclusive relationship that caused me a lot of damage. It took me a long time to forgive and move on. That’s why for a few years I didn’t want to get back into a relationship. To date I have had several lovers, simultaneously or otherwise, and I know that this has changed my opinion on exclusive relationships. Today, I would like to find someone, but in an open relationship. I know I need this framework to be able to commit to something serious again.

How would you describe your single life?

At the beginning it was freedom, I was very happy and I wanted to enjoy it. Then, after two years, I started not caring even a little. Today, It has become heavy and I would like to find someone.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

Not really, though Sometimes I feel like I’m holding a candle when I go out with couples of friends. And my mom sometimes jokes about being lonely, but nothing that really bothers me.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

Certain. Sometimes I wish I didn’t go to bed alone at night, to have someone to count on, to feel loved. And there’s no one to say/do it except my cat: In six years I’ve clearly become a cat girl. So I would say I’m a little disappointed. I can tolerate being single, but not for long.

Does being single allow you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

YES. The proof: last summer I went alone road trip. At some point during the trip, I said to myself “luckily I’m alone, because I do things at my own pace, according to my desires, without reporting to anyone”. Of course, we can do the same thing as a couple, but in this case we also have to take into account each other’s desires/rhythms and it’s not the same thing.

Conversely, does being single stop you from doing things you might do if you were in a relationship?

NO. After my breakup, I learned to do things on my own. Go to the cinema alone, go on holiday, even go to a restaurant alone just sex. And I started from the principle that if it’s something I can do as a couple, then I should also be able to do it alone.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

Yes and no. I’ve been using dating apps forever. They allowed me to meet my last two exes and all my partners after my breakup. Today I meet people without a specific goal. I don’t want to have any expectations for the dates I take. What will happen is what should happen according to the HumorTHE sensation…But I won’t go there specifically for a romantic relationship. I hope that among all these dates I will meet someone who will make me vibrate and fall in love, but I’m not focused on this and I don’t feel any particular pressure on this.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

Certain ! This is how I started my sex toy collection. Most of all, I know that I need to have a connection with my regular partner(s), so I take my time, have less sex than if I were in a relationship, but I’m careful about the quality of the moments I spend. As a couple, I had sex several times a week. For the past two years, this has happened several times a month. I make up for the rest of the time with my toys!

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

YES. Not necessarily from my inner circle. But for example, I was looking for a house to buy for myself and every time I received comments like this “You and your partner”, “For a young couple”…Though at no point did I mention my romantic situation. It really seemed like certain things were only possible for a couple.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Oh yeah. I know the way I manage my expenses has evolved over the years, but, for example, when I found myself single I spent lessharder on myself while I wasn’t on my ex, so I was able to save a little more.

Another example, with this same ex, I went on a tour in Italy which cost more or less 1,200 euros together. And I’m about to do this trip again alone, and even though I chose the cheapest options in terms of accommodation and transportation, this trip will cost me at least 1,000 euros even if I’m alone. When it comes to free time, the cost of being single is absurd.

Do you have a dating budget?

NO. But I would say this 1^um the date will be limited to a few drinks and something to eat in terms of the budget. It’s not about putting a restaurant budget there.

What are your plans for the future?

Being satisfied with my life. It’s a rather vague and philosophical answer, but I don’t like many things in my current life and sometimes they weigh me down. I’m getting help from a psychologist, the goal is to enter my thirties peacefully, fully active in my life. I also tell myself that after so many years of being single it is necessary to agree with myself before thinking of sharing my life with someone again. I don’t want this future person to have to pay the price for others…

Do you have a story about being single to share?

It’s quite funny because it plays with a lot of injunctions. But for several years my parents have been letting me know that they are ready to become grandparents. It makes me laugh because I’m already on the next step. They don’t even care anymore if I’m single, if I have someone or not. Obviously the son-in-law is not important, but the grandchildren are. Yet they don’t imagine me as a single mother. Consequently, it is a situation full of paradoxes.

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