Help, my wife makes fun of me when I’m sick, it seems like it’s my fault!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I am married and the father of two children aged 1 and 4 years. Basically I’m a bit fragile, but since I was born I’ve gotten sick very often. My wife is stronger than me and apparently we should all have the same immune system as her! She seems to make a monstrous affront to him every time I feel bad.

Not only does he not show compassion, although it is rarely asked for when you are in bed with a fever of 39, but he almost blames me for my condition. If I have the misfortune of complaining, she sighs or changes the subject. We’ve had a disagreement about this before, but she thinks her reaction is normal: I do tons of it and I quote “it lasts a lifetime every time”, but I also wouldn’t be doing the right thing.

According to her, all I have to do is lie down with the chickens, take vitamins and wash my hands more and I will already get sick much less often.

When I’m in good shape, everything goes very well between us and our relationship is affectionate. But this conflict emerges every time I feel bad. I understand it’s difficult for you. I suffered from a series of viruses that left me bedridden and left the burden of management during my “absence” on her. But it’s not like I did it on purpose. Nobody likes being sick.

What do you think ?

Jeremy

Daronne’s response

My little ibuprofen,

My compassion is absolute, as is my empathy. For a month I have been suffering from a difficult case, peppered with weeks of coughing, blocked ears, headaches and even digestive symptoms inherited from the gastrointestinal tract of my dear children. However, I can tell you with the utmost certainty that no one at home noticed it. Finally, I exaggerate: Daron complained several times that my seizures and snoring prevented him from sleeping. Oddly enough, the moment my health deteriorated to the point where it finally got the attention it deserved coincided with the moment Daron was also hit by one last winter virus.

As good teammates united in this strange parenting adventure, we shared childhood tasks. However, if he hadn’t ALSO been ill, I would have been spared the feverish reading of a particularly psychedelic evening story.

This introduction shows us that it is always possible to contribute to family work, even at the point of death. It also shows us that in front of the sick hetero there is a woman who in theory is perfectly entitled to even have moments in which she can let everything go. Although, lo and behold, there is always something that stops him.

Do we have the right to get sick when we are parents?

Through your letters, each week I realize a little more how nature has made fun of us. The small child requires in principle that we are systematically operational and alert, but it is also the most contagious animal that populates this planet. Faced with this domesticated version of Komodo dragons, the chances of healthy short-term survival are low and, beyond that, non-existent.

If parents withdrew from the world every time they got sick, there would be a severe shortage of people to care for children. I don’t deny that cases of force majeure definitively immobilize us (hello flu). On the other hand, I’m not sure that being 39, having a runny nose, and having headaches are part of it.

Maybe you’re not responsible for the fact that your wife rarely gets sick or that mothers in general rarely allow themselves to get sick. But parenting requires you to review your standards regarding bed rest. I understand that it is particularly unpleasant to be in such poor health, that being said, I also understand that it is particularly annoying to have to take responsibility for everything at home for a guy who doesn’t even take his advice seriously.

Take care of you ?

I can’t tell you whether taking vitamins, washing your hands, or going to bed early will change anything about your condition. That said, sleep quality influences immune functioning, as do some deficiencies. Although I’ll give you that, getting sick is kind of nice, because you can avoid the evening tunnel. Except a few. Follow my gaze. I say it, I don’t say anything.

What your partner is asking of you doesn’t seem particularly restrictive to me. Especially the part about washing your hands and swallowing a daily pill. If the results are not convincing, you will have proved your wife wrong and you will be able to continue infecting viruses, in the warmth of your bed.

No, I’m just joking.

You will see a GP to have a check-up, make sure everything is fine and ask for advice on strengthening your immune system. Do what you want with your body and your health, but don’t forget that other people suffer when you don’t take care of them. When you openly mock your wife’s advice, you send her the following message: her discomfort is less important than your laziness. Here you are.

We laugh, we speculate, but let’s not forget respect

Some situations are so ridiculously systematic and so clichéd that the roles are unfairly reversed. You came for help, you leave with the prescription of vitamins and hand washing and the advice to make an effort even if you suffer. An effort so painful that I hope it can at least trigger in you the desire to take care of yourself.

Having said that, I would also like to invite you to discuss it coldly, that is, when you don’t have a fever and are in good health. From what I read in your mail, you just had the opportunity to get confused about it. A better idea is to calmly discuss and listen to each other’s frustrations before considering a proper plan of action for next time. As for you, to compensate, you could spontaneously offer him one evening “off” a week. Even if he is in excellent shape, he will be able to lock himself in your room without communicating with the outside world. Believe me, it’s everything he dreams of.

I’m leaving you, I have to go to the pharmacy to buy Daron some paracetamol

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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