Parents of trans children, how can we best support them?

On the phone, Marylin immediately apologizes, she still has difficulty giving the correct sex to her son Paulo, who recently came out to her: “ I’m not wrong when writing, but when speaking I still struggle to say “he”. When I told him about this difficulty he told me ‘don’t worry, we’ll figure it out as we go’e.” » After announcing her son, this mother read many testimonies, as well as books dealing with trans identities. “Nothing has changed, it’s still the same person, the same character » he insists.

Although there are no official statistics on the number of trans people, it is clear that the discussion has developed greatly on the topic, to the point of leading more and more young people to legitimately question their gender identity and, at the same time, many parents they must inform themselves about the issue.

How to support your trans child as a parent?

When it comes to LGBTQI+ coming out, the narrative clichés present in fiction often take us back to stories of painful rejections and total breakups. If these reactions from parents still exist, it is also important to remember that being trans is not always synonymous with family disintegration, on the contrary.

For many parents who want to support their children in the best way possible, one of the first instincts is to talk to trans people or other parents in the same situation.

A need taken care of by the associations

It is to respond to this need for exchange that the OUTrans association has created discussion groups for trans people and their loved ones. “The idea is to talk about your relationship with your loved ones, whether you are a trans person coming alone, with your loved ones or with single parents, for example. This allows you to meet other people who have faced similar questions and make certain fantasies or fears disappear,” explains Anaïs Perrin-Prevelle, co-president of the association.

With two specific groups, one for trans people and their loved ones and the other for minors and parents of trans minors, around sixty people meet every month, continues the co-president of OUTrans: “I often see relatives who sometimes come two or three weeks after the trans person comes out. There are regularly people who arrive in tears, who have difficulty speaking and, very often, these people end the group with a big smile. We see people change in three hours. Hearing testimonies from trans people similar to what your child is experiencing makes you realize that it’s not just a fad or indoctrination. Change your point of view, hearing it from others is very important, it demonstrates coherence. »

This is also the approach that Susan adopted, after her son’s coming out, turning to the Contact association. Today she is a volunteer and intervenes in schools and discussion circles. “ We really have a lot of requests ” tells: ” There are people who come, but don’t understand anything and leave upset. I witnessed discussions in particular with a young trans girl and her father who didn’t want to come, but in the end he cried. »

Become a true advocate for your trans child as a parent

This approach of turning to an association allows parents not only to better understand their child’s transition, but also to be able to become a real support for the rest of the family or for the school environment. For Thomas, father of a twelve-year-old trans boy, his son’s coming out was not an event in itself, but he was quite surprised by the precision of his speech: “ When he came to us, we discovered later that he had gone on sites, that he had discussed on forums to get information. He had a hyper-structured speech, with a super precise vocabulary. »

For the moment, school education is going well, the educational staff is understanding and has changed the name in the lists and the gender to male. “ Aside from giving him a gender, calling him by his new name, chatting whenever he needs to and not putting binders in the dryer, ultimately there is no need to do more » explains this father. Many measures that seem trivial but are nevertheless fundamental for the well-being of your child.

It is this simplicity and kindness in approaches that OUTrans also wants to support in its support groups. “When we think of LGBT+ associations we have the image of the association closed in on itself with a very specific discourse. In the end, parents are surprised to receive a very simple and very thoughtful speech. We welcome everyone’s speech, we don’t block if someone says something problematic, we don’t interrupt, we explain calmly afterwards. », explains co-president Anaïs Perrin-Prevelle. And in fact, with kindness, listening and discussion, everything can go very well.

Listen to Apéro des Daronnes, Madmoizelle’s show that aims to break down taboos on parenting.