Bonding with your newborn isn’t that “easy,” this study proves

Knowledge is power. This sentence, attributed to the philosopher and scientist Francis Bacon in the XVI^And century, is more topical than ever and, in the context of motherhood and parenting, it is also crucial.

In 2023, in France in particular, the word begins to spread about parenting difficulties, postpartum depression, the almost permanent ambivalence of motherhood and everything that can lead back to future mothers what Clémentine Sarlat defines as “matrescence”, author of the podcast of the same name.

For centuries, women – and future mothers – have been subjected to tons and tons of injunctions that we try, especially in Madmoizelle, to demolish one after the other.

Whether or not to breastfeed your baby, give birth with or without an epidural, give a positive and caring education, sleep together but not for too long, don’t give up after giving birth, quickly get back into sports to lose the extra pounds, be able to maintain a home having slept 2 hours in the past 48 hours, to return to work 10 weeks postpartum, all while resuming a fulfilling sex life and a smile dripping with happiness permanently displayed on her face.

Bah yes, especially he shouldn’t even make a mouth, after all, we wanted him, this baby, right?

Yes, but here’s the problem there: all these injunctions want to make women who give birth perfect mothers. However, spoiler alert: it doesn’t exist.

It doesn’t exist, and it’s dangerous to pretend that all mothers can accomplish anything. Dangerous to the point that suicide is the second cause of maternal mortality in France, we remember.

A disturbing new study on the mother-child bond

In an article by Keeper, we learn that a new study has been published at the Parent-Infant Foundation. The latter shows that, out of 1,000 women surveyed, one in 10 women have difficulty bonding with their baby at birth, and 73% of them they say ” not having received any information or advice about bonding with your baby in the first few weeks after birth “.

Why are these numbers problematic? Because they demonstrate that the image conveyed around parenthood and motherhood is wrong and watered down, and that there are still many women who break their teeth realizing that no, becoming a mother is not that simple, it is not that natural, and above all: is can frankly shake our mental health.

If society stopped pretending that motherhood is innate and that becoming a mother is a picnic, if women were better informed about what they were about to experience, they wouldn’t feel guilty about having ambivalent feelings, even sometimes frankly scary and not they would be afraid to tell loved ones or healthcare professionals about it for help and advice, all without judgement.

You may very well not have a crush on your baby who has just been born. It’s not serious, it’s not abnormal, and it happens more often than you think.

Yes motherhood can be fine, yes many women thrive in this role, yes some experience idyllic pregnancies and deliveries. Yes, some love their baby at first sight, and no, postpartum depression doesn’t strike all women, yet too many face it in silence before we can stop pretending everything is rosy.

Informing expectant mothers is essential

Knowledge is power, as we said in the introduction. Why does society still not adequately inform women about what can await them even when they become mothers? Why want to tell only one side of the story when every woman, every pregnancy and every child born is different?

Informing expectant mothers is essential, but this also requires an increase in the number of midwives in maternity wards, while increasing the resources of the public hospital. Anna Roy already spoke about it, more than 3 years ago, when she launched her shocking campaign #jesuismistreatantewith the posting of a petition to the attention of Emmanuel Macron, asking for more means to help mothers:

“By signing it, you participate in the request to Mr. Emmanuel Macron, President of the Republic and Mr. Olivier Véran, Minister of Health, to change the norm, to give midwives and their colleagues the means to restore humanity. in the delivery room, in delivery rooms, in the city, everywhere.

When will there be real training, real support for pregnant women and women who have just given birth, to help them understand what is happening to them and provide them with the help they need? This study from the Parent-Infant Foundation is just about the mother-child bond struggling to form, that’s okay. But how many tragedies could be avoided, how many postpartum depressions could be detected, how many women could be listened to and supported more if only society and politics gave concrete means to those who have just given birth, and to those who supervise them?

Informing pregnant and post-pregnant women, relieving them of guilt feelings and giving them the tools to understand what is happening to them, to allow them to live this “matrescence” serenely and all that follows from it, is to give them the possibility to implement an end to injunctions that can literally eat their life and that of their child.

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