Everything our children’s names say about us

Choosing the first name of our children is never trivial. Whether chosen as a tribute to a loved one, for its melodious sounds, or for the symbolism hidden within, it reveals much more than we think. For a long time the name was seen as an heirloom. From now on, parents mostly give a name they like and this choice is therefore often the focus of a long reflection. Evidence of the excitement around this question, the number of sites or apps that specialize in finding the ideal name, or the success of the annual Trending Name Rankings. But beyond these influences, the first name is a personal choice that can tell a lot about us.

Children’s Name: emergence of the unconscious

When choosing a name, everyone has their own criteria. A short name, for those who have suffered from a ridiculous nickname. An original name, for those who hated that classmates had the same name. Or a reminder of the origins of this mixed couple. But beyond these pragmatic reasons, there are reasons that are more difficult to explain. ” Everyone puts a part of their story, their fantasies or their hopes in relation to the unborn child. The choice of name is often a mixture of conscious and unconscious and therefore has a wider explanation than we think. “, explains Juan Eduardo Tesone, psychiatrist and author of the book, In the footsteps of the name. What others inscribe in us (poof). In his practice, he sometimes observed the emergence of this part of the unconscious. Diving into first names can sometimes reveal secrets or things left unsaid. There are missteps that speak volumes, like this man who, instead of writing the name chosen with his wife, writes that of his lover. Or, sometimes, mysterious inspirations that, on closer inspection, have a deeper meaning. In her book, Juan Eduardo Tesone thus recounts the case of this Argentine man whose wife dies after the birth of his daughter, and who, before having the child adopted by her sister, calls her Noelia. It is difficult for the psychiatrist not to notice that in Spanish this name means ” nothing Ella “(not her).

The first name we give our children is reflection of who we are

If the role of the unconscious sometimes makes it difficult to understand all that is hidden behind names, they appear as the first transmission made to our children. ” They are the scaffolding from which the child will create his identity. The first names are therefore indicative of the wishes that parents may have for this child. », explains Juan Eduardo Tesone. Choosing a name, we necessarily imagine the child who will bear it. For Laura, soon to be mother of two girls, the desire to raise strong and independent women is hidden behind the first names chosen. ” There is a somewhat feminist dimension to our choices. The first is called Alix. A playful and incisive name that also refers to a male comic book character. For the latter, the idea is also to avoid names that are too sweet or too feminine. The choice should be between Circe and Cleone “, explains.

If it can say a lot about us, the story of the name is above all a story of compromises. This is an often common decision, and dropped names are just as significant, if not more so. Margaux, pregnant with her first child, thus had to give up her name that she had made her dream of since adolescence. ” At 13 I fell in love with names through literature. I kept lists with the ones I liked. Romantic names with a slightly regal and very English side, like Phillipa. Finally, these are not the same tastes as my spouse. Come to think of it, they reflect more of the teenager I was and don’t really fit my lifestyle or relationship. “says the expectant mother. It will therefore be a mythological name from the ancient Norwegian to remember the Norwegian origins of the father.

The name like sociological object

Once the meaning, etymology or sounds have been agreed upon, a multitude of possibilities remain. Personal tastes come into play and again they are not irrelevant to who we are. ” Our appreciation of things depends on the totality of our social experiences. When we look at variables such as age, socio-professional category, degree level, origin, we see differences. Farmers often don’t like the same things as artists, Algerian parents don’t like the same names as those who come from Belgium “says Baptiste Coulmont, author of the sociology of names. This social dimension of the name even seems to be reinforced. ” Previously, names circulated mainly vertically, emerging among the bourgeoisie to spread to the rest of the population. Since the 1970s, another mechanism has developed, with names circulating horizontally within the same social group. For example, English or Celtic names, such as Kevin or Donovan, were born and died within the working classes.says the sociologist. Social marker, symbol of our hopes, mirror of our traumas… the first name is a complex object that reveals a lot both about us as individuals and about the society in which we live.

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