Pauline, 42: “It’s like I went back to being a virgin”

• Name or nickname : Pauline*
• Age : 42 years old
• Place of life : border town in eastern France
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

It will be in June I have been single for a year. I had enough strength and courage to face the fear of loneliness after 13 years of an off/on relationship.

Era a relationship contrary to all my values ​​and principles. Inside I was very unhappy because I was living in denial. I hate alcohol and my ex partner was very into it. He was a happy drinker and was not violent, but his entire social life revolved around alcohol. He went to the bar all day drinking… I thought I could help with his alcoholism but I left some feathers there. He dragged me down with him.

When our relationship ended, we were opposites and had nothing in common, because I had worked a lot on myself in the meantime. I no longer liked the person I was becoming and above all I was wasting my time a toxic and codependent relationship. I had the courage to face the breakup and find myself really alone with no man in my life (flirting, wrapped relationship…). She was a complicated period, but I made it through and went out stronger and more confident.

How would you describe your singleness?

This period of celibacy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I really did some self-development work to understand my mistakes and fix all my wounds and flaws. I have read many books and IEventually I was one-on-one with myself. I’ve never had the strength to be alone. I was looking for love on the outside, but how could a man love me if I didn’t love myself? It’s a long and painful process, but then it’s just happiness.

This period of celibacy has allowed me to regain confidence in myself.. I am solely responsible for my happiness. A man is just the icing on the cake.

I have never been emotionally and physically alone since I was 15. I’ve always had relationships where I had a man on hand. I couldn’t be alone and unhappy: that’s what I thought at the time but, luckily, I evolved. I threw myself on the first person who was interested in me. I didn’t know myself, so I didn’t know what kind of men I wanted for me.

Now, I have non-negotiable criteria : a sporty man, with a healthy lifestyle, without addictions (alcohol, cigarettes…).

I recently had an affair and it turned into a tragedy. I let my guard down in a moment of vulnerability. This confirms my principles, you really need to take your time before commenting on a new romance.

Does being single have a daily impact on your morale?

Celibacy sometimes takes a toll on my morale, but it doesn’t last. Right now, I’m on a gap year in Southeast Asia and seeing all the couples on vacation reminds me of my singleness. Dinners at sunset, it’s more pleasant if there are two of you.

Sometimes I miss being touched and kissed and having intimate relationships, but it is temporary. It’s like I’m a virgin again and today my vagina is a diamond. I’m in pause mode and it’s relaxing. I’m recovering from all the bad experiences I’ve had. Finding a man in 2023 for sex is easy, but finding a good and free man for a serious relationship takes time.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Celibacy is an indisputable freedom. Only me matters. I do what I like, when I want. Everything is easier because there are no compromises to be made. I’ve always been an independent person and I like having my own businesses and hobbies.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

I already do a lot of things as a single: traveling alone, owning, investing, playing sports… But sometimes there are limits. For example, organized trips or clichés such as romantic restaurants, group snorkelling days…

In fact, I don’t feel comfortable knowing that there will only be couples or families. It refers me to my bachelorhood.

When renovating my apartment, a man’s support would have been appreciated. Being a woman and dealing with artisans hasn’t been easy.

In reverse, if I do activities alone, it boosts my confidence and self-esteem. I try to do what I want even if I do it alone. These are small goals to achieve. In Thailand, I went to a party alone and was the first to dance on an empty stomach. I was too proud, because I had freed myself from the gaze of others.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

Not for the moment. I’m still traveling so it’s pointless as I’ll be back in June. When I get home, my eyes will be open and I’ll be ready for the opportunities that come my way. I’m old school, so I don’t like dating apps. I believe in fate and timing.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I no longer seek sexual partners. I’ve had my period and I don’t care anymore. It’s a waste of time, energy and often a total disappointment.

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

No because I’m happy and in line with my values. I shine even when I’m alone.

Sometimes I fluctuate like the stock market, but without crashes.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Celibacy has a positive impact on my finances because I can save more.

There are no more superfluous and useless exits. I’m an ant so it won’t work if I have a grasshopper as a mate.

Do you have a dating budget?

No, because at the moment I don’t know. I prefer to spend this money on myself doing good (massages, travel, sports…).

What are your plans for the future?

I am ready and open to meet men without getting desperate. I rejoice in what life offers me, whether I am alone or accompanied.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

I worked a tennis tournament last year and it was a revelation. Thanks to this job, I faced my fears and got out of my comfort zone (elitist environment, crowd…) because deep down I’m not a tennis fan. Well, I’ve never seen so many handsome boys in the m² of my life. Since I was 100% invested in being smiley and kind, I was successful despite the jog and the designer T-shirt with the name of the event.

Since then, I’ve realized that if I felt good in my sneakers and was confident in myself, I radiated happiness. AND men feel it and are attracted to it.

Thanks to Pauline* for answering our questions!

*Name has been changed.

Do you like our articles? You will love our newsletters! Sign up for free on this page.