Victim of domestic violence, I walked 4 days to help other women in the same situation

I lived 18 years with the father of my children and the last 10 years with him were marked by violence. But when I lived with him, I had no idea I was a victim of domestic violence.. The attackers make us feel guilty, they make us believe that it is we, the victims, who are not feeling well, that we are pushing them to act this way.

years of domestic violence

I have lived in fear for years. He threatened me with death, but I didn’t know where to go. So I stayed with him all those years. It was in 2015 that I finally found the strength to leave him, because I was no longer financially dependent. The trigger came from my children. One day my son said to me: “Mom, you’re not protecting me”. My daughter also told me: “Dad talks bad to you”. I had to do something, protect the children, because it was attacking my son too. He hit me one day while I was holding her in her arms. She was 3 years old. They too have seen everything, too suffered this climate of violence and insecurity.

Supported by my sister, I ended up filing a complaint. In total I made 4 complaints, and my daughter also made one after he threatened me with death, she told me: I’ll ax you in front of the children. Afterwards, he was tried in corrections and was sentenced to 4 months’ imprisonment with suspended sentence and €1,000 fine. Which seems to me very small compared to the seriousness of her acts, and the traumas engraved throughout her life.

For my part, I got help from Olympe, the sexual health center in La Tour-du-Pin (Isère), where I met Nathalie Gallien, now founder of the collective “Stronger together”. She is the one it made me realize that I was a victim and that my ex partner was the culprit. With his help, I was able to obtain a Grave Danger Phone and a protection order. He could no longer contact us, neither I nor the children. Today, we are calm but not serene.

“With this march, we wanted to see how far we could go”

Today, a victim of domestic violence, I am part of the collective “Plus forts ensemble”, created in 2019 by Judith Bruckner from the Morestel Social Center (Isère) and Nathalie Gallien from Olympe. The group aims to help, support and accompany women victims of violence in their approaches, but also to raise public awareness of these issues.

A discussion and support group is held on Tuesdays every two weeks. Together, we discuss our personal stories, which resonate with each other. Every experience is different, but every time we find the same springs used by violent men to make us feel guilty, to muzzle us and prevent us from leaving. In the end, these kinds of people always proceed the same way. Thanks to the collective, which also organizes self-defense courses and psychological counseling, we support each other and receive concrete help, for example in court.

Some time ago, we had the idea to carry out other actions. Among them, a march towards Compostela cited by the founders of the collective, was not maintained because the impact would not have been as strong as this local march. Reflecting, we said to ourselves that to realize this march here, in Isèrewould have more weight to publicize the collective and its actions.

With this march against domestic violence, we wanted to see how far we could go to surpass ourselves, both physically and mentally. For example, I was interviewed on television during the march and realized that it did me a lot of good. For the first time, I had the right to call myself a victim of domestic violence out loud. People who know me and who know my ex partner will recognize me as such. Because in society he had another personality: he was kind, friendly, available. This type of character shows a double face and hides his true personality well, which is why he is so hard to be heard and believed. Nobody really knows him. While on television, I won my battle : finally we would see it as it was.

“Our mobilization is making things happen”

The march took place from 29 to 1 March^um April, in Isère. There were 37 of us when we left La Tour-du-Pin. The number varied every day, depending on everyone’s availability, but we kept a core of around ten people on the stages. Sometimes we were much more numerous, up to 40 walkers.

We covered about fifty kilometers in all, from La Tour-du-Pin to Morestel. Throughout our journey, we have been supported and encouraged. At the end of each stage, we were greeted with applause, Mexican songs, a snack… We felt like we had won a battle! It has done us much good. Among the people who have joined us, some are also victims of violence, they trusted us.

This march was a victory for all of us and a great success. Today, with the “Plus forts ensemble” collective, we would like, like the march, to continue our struggle by carrying out an action every year. Our mobilization makes things happen, we must not stop now, many women still need support. I am also part of the board of directors of the Morestel Social Center, which wishes to support the collective in its future actions to help, advise the victims. We also thank the various sponsors who have collaborated in the realization of this project.

For shame to change sides and for violence to finally cease.