How forced communication between parents paves the way for post-separation violence

Every year, in France, 225,000 people report being victims of domestic violence. Even when they manage to extricate themselves from the situation, the violence doesn’t always stop. Parents with common children are forced to continue communicating on matters of health, education or organization in general… Exchanges that give free rein to harassment and threats.

However, if today there are support and reception solutions for victims of domestic violence, post-separation communications remain totally forgotten in support initiatives. Eva NGalle paid the price. So that her experience is no longer experienced by other victims of domestic violence, she has imagined a secure messaging system that allows for better regulation of post-breakup exchanges in order to ” maintain a constructive dialogue in the interests of children “. Explanations.

Interview with Eva NGalle, creator of the TI3RS application.

Where did the idea of ​​TI3RS come from?

It is based on my personal experience. I am a mother, lived with an abusive gentleman for eight years and we have a son together. When I separated, my son was three years old. Even after the separation the violence continued, above all through our telephone communications. We had to keep in touch, give each other news because we had a child in common. We have transmitted information about health, education, holidays, What day do you pick it up, what time? “. It was a free place for insults, harassment and threatening messages. Following these messages, the gentleman was banned from contact for two years. He was under judicial control, he no longer had the right to contact me, and in fact neither did I, because he goes both ways.

What solutions have been put in place for exchanges involving your child?

As a result of the contact ban, Mr. had to find a trusted third party to pass on our son’s information. He never offered to anyone, so I had no one to relay the information to, and especially no one to check on my son.

At first, I asked my attorney to send emails about school topics, for example. But lawyers don’t work on weekends and have a lot more to do than forward messages from their clients. Often, by the time my lawyer saw him, it was too late.

Then I asked my father to be the trusted third party. It was very complicated for him, as for me. He wasn’t trained in domestic violence, didn’t really understand, kind of tried to fix everyone up and, at the same time, took a full face.

I also asked associations that deal with transfers (the fact of organizing the transfer of residence of the minor with a mediator so that the two parents do not meet, ed.) if they had a solution for these mandatory communications, without success. I turned to forums and Facebook groups dedicated to domestic violence, asking if anyone had a solution to communicate without being harassed or threatened. All the people who answered me were like me and were tinkering with a band-aid solution.

How did you proceed?

For my part, I had installed software that recorded all my calls in case of insults so that I could file a complaint. He was taking up a lot of space on my phone, I was doing a lot of post filing work deleting what wasn’t from him, and I was taking screenshots of all our messages. It’s what we all do to preserve evidence. I printed all our emails in pdf. I had a file, with a bulletin board where I wrote ” on such a day, at such a time, he told me “. It was horrible.

Some people told me that when they went to file a complaint they were asked for three years of exchanges. Imagine taking 3 years of screenshots of insults and threats, that’s not possible. I thought there must be a digital way to make everything smoother.

Is this what the TI3RS is for?

In fact, the app becomes the trusted third party, which takes care of transferring messages from one parent to another, filtering insults, threats and limiting harassment with the possibility of choosing when to receive text messages. Either when you are alone, or when you are accompanied… It’s up to me to see when and how I want to be reached. And above all, the application gives the possibility of being able to download the exchanges to file a complaint, go before the family judge for custody…

The idea is to free people from this mental burden. TI3RS simultaneously creates a fictitious number, to protect the privacy of both parents, and bring more serenity in exchanges. Because, today, we see many people buying a second SIM card, dedicated solely to these communications. Finally, it is not necessary for both parents to agree to download the application in order to use it. The person who does not have TI3RS will receive the messages as simple SMS.