How to make friends as an adult?

Article originally published on January 21, 2019

When you go to school, making friends is (relatively) easy. Spending seven hours a day with dozens and dozens of people your own age builds bonds. Chances are you’ll want to go drinking while you remake the world with some of them. Well, except in times of global pandemic, of course…

But these friendships born on the school benches (and on a common detest of surprise quizzes) don’t always survive the passing of the years.

So sometimes, we may want to recreate an adult friendly circle without really knowing how to do it. Luckily, Madmoizelle readers are there to give you hedgehogs advise.

Friendships at work

Work is a bit like what should replace studies, since we spend an average of eight hours a day, five days a week. Thus, it can be a great way to meet friends, obviously running the risk of getting together talking about work in the evenings or on weekends.

So, my advice is to try to approach your coworkers who seem nice or from your age group, even if sometimes it’s hard to have to come out of your shell (introverted talk).

Take advantage of your cigarette/coffee/lunch breaks to get to know each other, then don’t hesitate to suggest extending your discussions outdoors over a drink, meal or activity, if you find you have something in common with some people.

Technique tested and approved several times by your servant (what?! Isn’t it feminized like this?) and by Maëla.

“I made friends at work, just chatting to them during breaks. When we realized that we had things in common and that breaks weren’t enough, we met outside. Although it is true that it is often I who takes the step of proposing to see each other out. Often, before for a drink, time to finish our (too many) conversations. Then, what pulls what, we meet the partner, the children, and before realizing that we have passed the phase of colleagues, we find ourselves talking about urinary infections of the little ones, gynecology and episiotomy. »

Astrid, has a somewhat more incongruous work-related friendship story, where it all starts with the search for a covoit.

“I worked 50km from home and so I took the car and the motorway to get there. I had already posted my ride on various carpooling sites, but it rarely worked and only on occasional trips. So, I decided to put a sign on the rear window that read “Carpooling my city > lavilleduboulot”.

Everyone laughed at me when they saw my car and said it would never work. Finally, one day, I received a call from another young woman who said she might be interested. The times and places were more or less suitable and we started carpooling. Thus a beautiful friendship was born! »

Becoming friends around a common passion

It’s not just work in life! Your outdoor activities, whether it’s leisure or community involvement, can also be a great way to meet people you might get along with – you already have something in common!

All activities are possible: sporting, cultural, activist, etc. The idea is that you are drawn to see a group of people on a regular basis that you can bond with. Personally, scouting has allowed me to meet many friends (and a husband, but that’s another matter), as well as the practice of theatrical improvisation.

But you can also join an orchestra, participate in an LGBT association, take boxing lessons or… do quidditch, like Justine!

“I made some friends in Angers through muggle quidditch. Basically, I just wanted to come and see the local team at games, then finally joined the team. It’s a very physical sport, which plays well, and people often stay there because of the very friendly atmosphere. »

Beyond these regular meetings, we can then propose to see each other outside. Go grab a bite to eat together before class. Get together to spend a weekend together, etc. Very beautiful friendships can also arise from this common activity. As Charlie told us.

“When I arrived in Quebec, I asked myself how to meet new people, in a completely unfamiliar environment and with different social conventions from France (despite a common language!). At that time, I had started learning Japanese and language exchanges happened every week to connect Japanese people and students. I apprehensively entered the first time and have since dated two best friends, a few other friends and a (now) ex. »

friends of friends of friends of friends

Have you ever met your spouse’s friends? Do you find them cute? Have you ever met their friends? By capillarity and by showing tenacity, perhaps you will end up meeting people during an evening or a picnic with whom you will have a real friendly crush.

In short, it may be worth waiting and accepting invitations from people who are currently just acquaintances you don’t necessarily like (well, if they’re big misogynists, maybe it’s not worth insisting). So told me Sandra, 30, who moved to the other side of France to follow her husband.

“He quickly became friends with young people in our same situation, far from their families and their points of reference. The problem is, they were people I didn’t really connect with. Having said that, it is thanks to them that I later had some very nice encounters. By dint of motivating myself to go out, and over a drink, I finally met friends of friends, mostly girls with whom the current went really well. »

If you land in a big city, you can also try to see on social networks if your old friends from university or high school also live there. What is the risk by offering them to meet again for a coffee? I hope you get along again, or maybe they have a new band to introduce you to.

The mother mafia

Do you have children? What an opportunity! They can be a great excuse to meet adults your own age to make friends with. And all occasions are good to get to know each other: parent-teacher meeting, school fair, leaving kindergarten, etc. Nathalie has been there.

“I really built my whole network of friends when my eldest (22, 20 and 17) started kindergarten. And I also made friends thanks to the nursery school where my last child (12 years old) went. We have been office members of this association which has created very strong bonds of friendship.

So I have two very different circles of friendship: in the first group I am the youngest, but in the second I am the oldest. So, in the first I can talk about menopause and in the second I can party all night! »

Virtual is also great for making friends

If you find it more difficult to connect with other IRLs (welcome to the club!), you can take advantage of the virtual world to build strong and sincere friendships, or at least get to know people you can later meet in person. .

Emma, ​​for example, met her three best friends in a pregnant chat room.

“During my second pregnancy, I was arrested pretty early and quickly started getting royally shitted on the bottom of my couch. Luckily, I hit it off right away online with a group of girls who shared the same expiration date. So in the beginning, you talk about your concerns related to your pregnancy, huh, that’s why we’re here after all. And laugh too, a lot, like a whale beached on your couch.

And one day you meet all your girlfriends in real life, suddenly renting a shack in central France. Take your children, your sweetheart and spend a weekend eating, laughing, taking care of a child that is not necessarily yours, but that you have known forever, virtually. »

Some sites have even specialized in friendly encounters (and even more if you want), such as OVS (On Va Sortir) where members can organize outings (shows, game bars, etc.) to meet other people in their city. Even romantic dating sites can sometimes be a goldmine for meeting friends, as Justine explains.

“I registered on Geek Me More which is, as one might suspect, a geek dating site. And it’s great! Well, I haven’t found love yet, but I’ve made many great friends! »

I can only advise you too much to frequent the Madmoizelle forums, to see if any readers live near you.

Finally, if you are abroad, do not hesitate to join the Facebook groups dedicated to expatriates. French-speaking meetups are often organized and advertised this way, and it can be a good way to meet people in your new adopted country.

And finally… make friends thanks to your dog!

I hadn’t thought about it at all, but Marie found an original (and clever) way to make friends among her neighbors: walking her dog.

“While taking our dog for a walk, we met dog owners who love to talk about their dog and give advice. We then found out that there was a walking group in the nearby town of 30 people who organized regular dog and human walks and were happy to welcome new members. This group allowed us to meet many people with whom we sympathized or not.

Today we don’t do many walks in groups anymore, but we have made some real friends thanks to this group and we see them regularly, with or without a dog. »

If you have a cat or a turtle, it may not work as well, but in any case, never hesitate to strike up a conversation with your neighbors. Already because it’s cooler to have good neighborly relationships and then because if it happens you’ll make friends for life who live near your house. Pretty cool, isn’t it?