Everyone has a more or less fixed idea of what infidelity would be: a painful betrayal that breaks couples, but above all hearts. Well, know that, financially, it is also possible to be scammed. But then, how is it possible and what is financial infidelity?
What is financial infidelity? Definition
We speak of financial infidelity when, in a couple, one of the two spouses voluntarily hides a fact relating to money, placing the other in a position of subordination..
And if this expression is still not widespread in France, lies related to money are widespread. Indeed, according to a study by the Léger company on behalf of Credit Canada and the Financial Planning Standards Council, 36% of Canadians admit to having lied to their partner about their finances. Another poll relaunched by the media CNBC1 in 5 Americans would hide a bank account or credit card from their partner, or nearly 20% of the population. Not so rare lies, then. Odrée was a recent victim:
“I discovered a few months ago at the time of our separation that my ex-spouse, with whom I have been in a relationship for 7 years, was paying a monthly credit of 400 euros behind my back for his ex-wife. He never had any money and, apart from the shopping, it was always me who paid for everything, thinking that he had financial worries. At the time of our separation a few months ago, we even had a CAF seizure in our joint account for the payment of his ex-wife’s alimony. Apparently I wasn’t aware of this problem either. »
Financial infidelity, parting factor
Marie, meanwhile, decided to go back to school a few years ago to gain financial independence and thus be able to leave her husband, who kept lying to her about his income and expenses:
“He refused to have a joint account, despite our twelve years together and our two children. Money was not the main conflict in our relationship, but it was thanks to him that I managed to get out of this situation. With my diploma in hand and a better salary, I filed for divorce. »
Following this situation, experienced as a real betrayal, Odrée also separated from her ex-spouse. And although this deception was not the only reason for their parting, this episode left its mark:
“Now I own my house to be 100% financially independent. I don’t want to owe anything to anyone. Since that event, I can no longer be trusted when it comes to romantic relationships. I don’t want to live with anyone anymore. Being in a relationship, yes, but each with their own life. And everyone has their own bank account. »
If Odrée’s love life is now marked as a result of this financial infidelity, the consequences of this traumatic situation are felt far beyond her own life. In fact, she totally influenced the way she raised her daughter:
“I am raising her to be completely independent as well. I want her to allow herself to dream big and think about herself first. »
Financial infidelity, a much more common practice than one might think
If these stories are individual testimonies and the expression ” financial infidelity it can make more than one smile, yet it is a situation that many people who live in a couple have to face. Julie, who maintains the Black Girl Boss Instagram account dedicated to financial management and investing, can testify to this thanks to the many messages she receives on this topic:
“It is a subject that is rarely talked about in society, because money is a taboo subject, and also because we are ashamed of it. Nevertheless, women write to me very regularly about financial infidelity. It’s actually an argument that brings together a wide range of situations: it can go from hiding income, to lying about salary, to taking credit behind your partner’s back. »
To help people signed up to her account, Julie decided to talk about it. By doing prevention through her Instagram account, but also advising victims, most often with low incomes. Her goal, freedom of speech on the subject to prevent the worst from happening even if, more often than not, the damage has already been done:
” When women come to confide in me about financial infidelity, they’ve already been cheated on.. My role is therefore to help them get back on track by helping them manage their finances, but also to raise awareness.
At that time, here are my tips to avoid getting trapped and to spot the red flags : if, in a couple, we feel we can’t talk freely about money, it’s because there is something shady. Another red flag: when one spouse wants to go 50/50 on expenses while the two people don’t have the same salary. »
Financial infidelity is one of Domestic violenceSt
These tips for spotting possible dangers provided by Julie may remind you of the topic of economic violence. Like financial infidelity, it is a very common phenomenon, but still difficult to identify. The topic also includes several situations: expenditure control, deprivation of resources, financial autonomy… Also in this case the argument concerns more women than men. For Marion Leguedard, lawyer specializing in family, persons and property law, economic infidelity is nothing more than domestic violence among many others:
” Legally, financial infidelity is not recognized. But we can put this phenomenon in the same basket as that of economic violence. The idea is that only one person in the couple has control over money-related decisions. And it is violence insofar as the other is subordinate to the other. »
Again, financial infidelity joins the issue of economic violence: although it is not punishable by law and difficult to identify, it is clear that the position of vulnerability is a breeding ground for abuse and violence. So, while waiting to find a way out of patriarchy, it is better to guarantee 100% economic independence. When of course we can.
Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
