“First you experience unforgettable exhilaration, then a burning shame”: true stories of people who are broke when shopping

Every second girl who enthusiastically browses the site of her favorite store, does not miss a single sale and knows exactly where to buy fashionable products, is jokingly called a Shopaholic. However, this is not something to be taken lightly. And this is not our opinion, psychologists.

We recently prepared material with experts from the Yasno service, which talks about the benefits and hidden dangers of shopping therapy. We decided not to stop there and continued to explore the favorite pastime of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives and Lily from How I Met Your Mother.

But if in your favorite movies and TV shows the desire of the heroes to buy new boots or a dress seems as fun and harmless as possible, then in real life things are a little different. According to psychologists, shopaholic or oniomania (the irresistible urge to buy something unnecessarily) is a serious problem that affects 5-7% of the world’s population. A few years ago, experts recognized shopping addiction as one of the human mental disorders that occur as a result of various traumas.

In the last 10 years, the number of shopaholics in Russia has increased 2.5 times. However, the United States still remains the leader in this regard: the number of shopping addicts exceeds 15 million. This is due to the growing popularity of online shopping. Digital shopping not only encourages addiction, but also simplifies the process of satisfying desires, providing accessibility, anonymity and ease of shopping.

“For many people, shopping is associated with pleasant emotions, pleasure – this is exactly what determines the therapeutic effect of going to the mall. However, it is always short-lived. Shopping helps with distraction, but it can’t be therapy in the scientific sense,” says Anna Chukseeva, a psychoanalytic psychologist.

But sooner or later a harmless (not) activity can spiral out of control and have serious consequences. It’s all because of dopamine – the hormone of joy and pleasure. “It is produced in the body after receiving some important results: academic awards, project defense at work, etc. But over time, when we expand the opportunities to get this hormone with light intakes, psychologist Ksenia Avers says, a person sits on this “hormonal injection.”

To convince you that unrestrained shopping is no joke, we’ve put together three stories of real people who have been harmed by shopping.

The story of Olga P.

In 2008 I moved from my hometown of Pskov to Moscow. There was little money, but more ambition than expected. I was able to quickly get a job as a manager in a large company. Life really was like a fairy tale, I came to work every day in a gigantic business center reminiscent of what I see in Hollywood movies. The setting was right, the girls came to work in high heels, branded bags, and perfect make-up. Of course I wanted to join the team and be on the same level as them.

It all started then. My family lived modestly, so there was never anything cool in the wardrobe. And I wanted too! My mother always supported me and was very happy when she learned that life in the capital was going well. I asked him to help with money and get a small loan. After much persuasion, he agreed. I still remember that feeling when I returned to a rented flat with a box of new patent leather boots and a bright red bag.

Everything was fine with my job, so within a few months I returned all the money to my mother and felt the beauty of the loans. “How great is it when you can buy now and pay later,” I thought, and started looking at new purchases.

Before long, appetite began to increase, but income did not. I bought Dolce & Gabbana, Juicy Couture and Versace like I had a wallet full of money. The salary literally disappeared in a few days, but then it seemed to me that this is a common story of any metropolitan girl. I went to the bank to get my first loan. My mother decided not to say anything so that she wouldn’t be upset. And it was a big mistake because there was no one to bring me down. My friends showered compliments on my appearance and asked where to get them. Well, how can that not be flattering?

Then there was a second loan, followed by a third. As a result, I owe banks 800 thousand rubles. And here I realized that I was doing something wrong and it was time to pause. But it was harder than I thought. I couldn’t sleep well after every defective purchase because all my thoughts were about what I couldn’t afford. And then something happened that I’ve never forgiven myself for.

Since my friends did not know about my plight, I asked someone to borrow a small loan, for my mother he said for the doctors. Surprisingly, he agreed. Inspired by what had happened, I immediately went to the store to look for new shoes. I realized what I was doing after I bought it. There was no money to pay off the debt his girlfriend had undertaken. And the remaining loans began to put more pressure on the head.

After only two months, I could not stand it, I gathered all my strength and called my family. I won’t even tell you what happened after the phone call. My mother miraculously managed to collect the necessary amount to deal with banks. But I remained silent about the debt to my friend. Due to constant calls and threats, I blocked him and decided to return to Pskov. Just six months later, I gave the money to him through a friend. We no longer spoke to him.

The story of Anna V.

I loved shopping – any problem or failure would be solved with a new bag, skirt or shoes. True, I did not buy things, I rented them. More precisely, I bought it first, wore it, and then took it back to the store. It couldn’t go on like this for long, and I wanted to keep what I had earned. At first there were no problems, I had a good job and a rich husband who always knew how to cheer me up.

But one day everything changed. I got divorced at the beginning of 2020 and a black streak started in my life. I bought, bought and bought in order to somehow clarify the situation and please myself. It got to the point where each evening ended with browsing online stores and placing new orders. True, after a moment of enthusiasm, I experienced a burning shame that I could not cope with. But a good salary and promotion at work made up for all my purchases, so I wasn’t too worried.

And in March, the pandemic began. During the quarantine I was not completely alone, the layoffs also began. This happened to me as well until April. I got into serious trouble trying to somehow cope with the depression. I took out a loan and started buying everything I saw.

But when the debt reached half a million rubles, I understood what had happened. I decided to go to therapy because of a terrible situation and luckily it helped. The doctor diagnosed me with oniomania and we started a rehabilitation course.

I paid off the entire debt only a year later and learned the lesson forever. Of course there were malfunctions but now I only buy things when I need them.

Daniel K.’s story

I was 24 years old and this was my first serious relationship. I confessed my love for the first time, thought about family and moved in with a girl. But one day his dream turned into a nightmare. And the culprit is my ex-soulmate’s shopaholic.

She dressed cool, followed the trends, and bought something new almost every week. At first I thought this was very cool. But as our relationship got serious, I learned more. It turned out that he took multiple loans and even asked his parents to help him close the loans. By the way, because they no longer communicate.

Then I made my biggest mistake. I decided to borrow money for him, naively believing that we would be together forever. And he paid a heavy price for it. He continued to spend my money and I am sincerely glad that he was happy. But when the amount of debt started to increase, I decided to talk to him. Then we had our first serious discussion. He seemed to refuse to understand that money didn’t exist out of nothing.

We broke up after three months. But he did not return the money. Yes, and out of my pride I did not beg for this damned 200 thousand rubles. Where and what he is doing now, I don’t know. But I will never be able to forgive such a despicable act.