How to celebrate New Year’s Eve (with dignity) with your children in your paws?

Article originally published in December 2021

Anyone who has ever tried childcare on December 31st knows this family solidarity is a beautiful expression which no longer has any value at the very moment in which our allegedly devoted relatives have devised a vague plan for New Year’s Eve, even if this vague plan involves eating a terrine of industrial salmon washed down with sparkling wine over “Le Grand Bêtisier”.

Desperate, we plan to use the services of a babysitter, but even putting all our savings into it, we are still short of just over 30,000 euros. The conclusion is clear: our children will be with us on Christmas Eve.

But that won’t stop us, as my little tips for waking up the old-fashioned way with the kids between your paws prove.

Tip number 1: party at home

In terms of parenting logistics, nothing beats a house party. Now that our canonical ages and Covid have passed, no one wants to crowd in a nerd night at the disco conducted by an ageless boy who has chosen to call himself Deejay Seb. That said, no one wants New Year’s Eve in my house either. To entice friends, even the most refractory, I don’t give up any demago promises: champagne at the open bar, appetizing petit fours and a crazy atmosphere.

I don’t lie about the presence of my children, but in the end I don’t even boast and some people discover that the same evening my offspring will be one of uswith all that goes with it Shhhht less loud, the baby is sleeping and cigarettes to smoke outside in the rain. I really don’t feel guilty, most of my guests also arrive escorted by their children, without warning them beforehand. As for the children of the evening, little by little they realize that they have fallen into a sneaky trap, but it’s too late now and they can’t go back.

Tip number 2: find lucrative occupations for children

To optimize the presence of our brats and above all to avoid seeing all our adult conversations parasitized by the futile” Mamaaaaan, Lucien stuck a fork in my hand, there’s blood all over my princess dresseeeeuh ” and other ” Papaaa, Gloria spilled a Christmas candle on my arm, it burns and smells like sausage I create a diversion that keeps them busy all evening and I entrust them with the restaurant service.

We know how much children are intense and devoid of any second degree. Presenting it to them as a mission of the utmost importance, I offer myself the free help of an admittedly ultra-awkward (avoid the crystal flutes) but highly involved staff.

However, I avoid asking them to provide the show. My daughter would certainly be happy to demonstrate her talent as a singer and dancer, but really, nobody cares, it’s only me who can enjoy listening to this nice rattle voice.

Tip number 3: define roles

Beware of alcohol abuse! As the other would say, when parents drink, children toast. After all, no one wonders about the reasons that prompted parents to drink HEIN MES PETITS TRÉSORS, but let’s go on.

When one of the brats escapes general surveillance and throws himself off the sofa because he is a superhero, but really not, he is just an ordinary human being who has just cut his forehead on a corner glass table, it will clearly be embarrassing realizing that everyone is so farted that no one is able to get behind the wheel to take them to the hospital.

Instead of letting each parent manage their offspring, they can designate themselves A leader for the groupfor example a pregnant woman (my readers are mostly in their thirties so I’m pretty sure you have many copies of this model in your entourage) who will be promised a monumental binge next year while the rest of the crew will turn to water gassed to handle her baby.

Tip number 4: children’s bedtime

The issue of bedtime is central as I have to find the balance between an hour to go to bed quite late hope my children will get up later than usual the next day, but not long enough for them to witness my alcoholic decay and fiery rendition of Singer by Daniel Balavoine (EVERY TIME). We know the children, it’s up to the landlady and the neighbors, and my reputation is ruined.

Suppose my strategy of delaying going to bed to make sure I wake up less early worked (let’s be clear, it won’t work, but let’s face it, for the purposes of this article), this alarm clock won’t go off around 5pm the next afternoon. But that’s the time it would take me pull me out of my post-nightlife stupor I didn’t drive anymore.

So, before going to bed, I don’t hesitate to clear and secure the space as much as possible to be able to release my felines there on their own the next morning so they stay alive while I, instead, die in my bed .

Come on, I wish you happy holidays and see you next year!

Featured Image: © Pexels/Polina Kovaleva