My boyfriend got me a crappy Christmas present (again) and it’s starting to piss me off

Originally released in December 2021

Daronne is the queen of less stupid advice wrapped in a more or less subtle touch of humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

Dear Daronne,

Every year I struggle to find the gift that my boyfriend likes. The problem is that he always gives me bad presents. This year is worst of all: she offered me cups of coffee. I don’t even drink it! I pointed out to him that he could have done better but he tells me he always sucked give gifts and that romance isn’t his thing (it’s true that small attentions aren’t usually his forte). I’m fed up but I don’t know if I have the right to grimace, after all it’s not polite to criticize a gift, is it?

Emma

Daronne’s answer

My little gold-plated jewel,

As they say, it’s the intention that counts and finally by offering you these mugs, your man had a good intention. So, okay, it’s a great gift, which has no other gift than the name, but you know the cismeks: they’re a little clumsy and not very comfortable with this kind of thing and…

No, just kidding, none of that with me. Yup, you have the right to pout, are fed up with cheesy gifts and bogus apologies from guys who are just too crazy to care. And I apologize in advance to your partner (just kidding, I don’t apologize anymore, it’s over) but I prefer to warn you: it will be expensive.

When the holidays arrive, in heterosexual couples it is always the same thing: the women plan and prepare by themselves, and then the whole network laughs with the memes that have the boys as protagonists, these great simpletons who discover their children’s gifts at the same time of them. These funny little snaps are very practical as they allow you to convey the idea again and again that women are naturally good at “those things”. Conversely, their male counterparts, overwhelmed by the inevitability imposed by their gender, can continue to take it easy.

That’s right, find a nice, personalized gift this is not obvious, it requires taking an interest in the other, throwing low-key little stakes, maybe even asking friends and family for advice, and then having to log into an online store or WORST just go to a store, it’s exhausting. So it’s much easier to self-diagnose as a gift, and while you’re bad at romance and bad at little things. And then also zero in housework, and zero in cooking and zero in changing diapers.

Oh yeah, life is so much easier this way, and in 1,000 years if we’re still here (I doubt it), we’ll still believe in this rotten myth that says women are instinctively good at handling anything with a lover’s hand when they should consider themselves happy when their companions offer them a ballpoint pen. Then no. To stop. If the gift issue is important to you, you have the right to say so.

It’s time for a general strike

At the beginning with the daron I didn’t dare impose myself too much. I feared the image of a shrew that society sends back to me as soon as I venture to say a little too loudly that I disagree. It’s easier to ridicule women and accuse them of “making a fuss about nothing” than to admit that behind a cheap gift, there’s a whole symbolism that’s much harder to swallow which implies a lack of alleged interest on the part of the partners and an unfair distribution of the emotional and romantic charge within the couple. I’ll tell you what: We are conditioned to a silent complacency that does no one any favors and must stop immediately.

You have the right to tell him his present sucks pudding. He probably won’t understand why you attack him when poor guy, you know him, it’s not his fault, you’re also boring not to accept it as if it’s gna gna gna. Don’t be fooled. You are le-gi-ti-me.

To get the message across, I urge you to go on strike now indefinitely, it’s not like you’re getting paid for your regular contribution anyway. No more gifts, no more romantic dinners, no more signs of affection, but a good discussion at the end to conclude together that a life without small attentions is sad, but that you cannot be the only instigator.

I want to believe that our comrades are conditioned only by a sexist society and that inside them there is a small being that only asks to deconstruct and evolve. Even if that means taking the necessary steps if this little being refuses to reveal himself and would rather repeatedly frustrate his spouse than put the slightest effort into making her life a little better.

In the meantime, have fun

There will probably be many more gifts you delete birthday dinners you delete before it’s gone once and for all. So while you wait, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Giving is giving, taking back, that’s okay, as the proverb I invented for the occasion says.

Since you’ve worked hard to please him, but not him, this cute connected watch could end up in the right corner with the touch of a magic mouse, and with the money raised, you could give yourself the gift of your dreams and get a little something for him, because we are not dogs. Let’s say a Brut shower gel bought in a hurry at the supermarket near the house on New Year’s Eve: if you want to preserve the tranquility of the house by leaving him his gift, nothing prevents you from drawing on the joint account to settle yourself. However, I allow you. After all, you are never better served than by yourself.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I have some packages to unpack.

bisette,

Your daronne

Feature Image: © Pexels/cottonbro