I’m a psychologist – these are the five sentences you should never say to your child

Telling upset children not to cry, that they are fine, and that there is nothing to be afraid of, can seem like reassuring words to parents.

But now a psychologist has discovered that such statements can do more harm than good to young people.

In addition to making children feel invalid, the above comments can cause them to suppress their emotions and avoid opening up in the future.

This is according to dr. Amanda Gummer, who told MailOnline the five sentences parents shouldn’t say.

“stop crying” ‘don’t cry’

It can be tempting to ask a child to stop crying.

however, according to Dr Gummer, founder of children’s counseling center FUNdamentally Children, young people can be led to suppress their feelings.

She said: “It’s important for children to express their feelings and crying can be a natural and healthy way to do this.

“Telling a child to stop crying or not to cry can make them feel ashamed or throw their emotions off balance.”

According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, parents should tell upset children that they understand how they feel.

It is also recommended to use a book or divert their attention to something else when a child cries as part of a tantrum.

How parents should deal with their child’s stress, according to a psychologist

DR Amanda Gummer, a psychologist from Hertfordshire, told MailOnline how parents can deal with their children’s stress.

Create a safe and supportive environment: Children need to feel safe and supported to cope with stress.

Learn relaxation techniques: Learning relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help children calm their minds and bodies when they are stressed.

Encourage movement: Regular exercise can help reduce stress and improve mood – and lead by example! Finding fun activities to do together as a family can be very helpful.

Develop good sleeping habits: Children need enough sleep to function properly and to cope with stress. Parents can encourage healthy sleep habits by establishing a consistent bedtime routine and creating a calm and comfortable sleep environment.

Encourage positive self-talk: Encouraging children to talk positively to themselves can help them build resilience and cope with stress.

“It doesn’t matter” or “I’m fine”

Parents may think that they are reassuring their child by telling them that they are fine or that they are not upset about anything.

But Dr Gummer, who also founded The Good Play Guide, which provides expert reviews of toys and advice on playing with children, said it was important not to discount their emotions.

Instead of making them feel better, these phrases risk tricking a child into believing their feelings don’t matter, she said.

She added: “Even if the situation seems insignificant to an adult, it can be a big problem for a child.

“Minimizing their feelings can make them feel rejected or invalidated.”

Parents should instead reassure their child with comments such as “I’m here for you” or “I see you’re upset, do you want to talk about it?” Dr.

“I told you so” or “You should have known better”

Sentences that criticize children for mistakes are useless, said Dr. gum.

Young people are curious and by blaming them for a problem you can prevent them from going to their parents for help in the future.

She said: “Blaming or shaming a child for their plight can make them feel worse and discourage them from seeking help or opening up in the future.”

Experts also warned that even if parents think these phrases are teaching their child a lesson, they actually strengthen their defenses.

As a result, young people are less likely to learn from the experience.

“Don’t be afraid” or “Don’t be afraidthere’s nothing to fear here’

Monsters in the closet, barking dogs and loud thunderstorms are common childhood fears.

And telling them not to be afraid or afraid may seem like comforting advice.

But in reality it hides the root of a child’s feelings.

Dr. Gummer said: “Ignoring a child’s fears can leave them feeling alone and unsupported. Rather, confirm their feelings and offer reassurance and support.”

The US-based charity Child Mind Institute recommends taking a child’s fears seriously, asking why something seems scary, and setting goals to overcome it.

The psychologist dr. Amanda Gummer revealed to MailOnline the phrases not to say to children

“Just perform” or “be happy”

Telling a child to “squeal” or “be happy” when they’re upset can seem like practical advice.

But can make them feel that it is not right to be sad, said Dr. Gunner.

Whether a pet or loved one has passed away or a friend has moved on, kids need to be told that it’s okay to be sad, experts say.

Dr. Gunner said: “It’s not always easy to just ‘cheer up’ when you’re feeling down or angry.

“This can make a child feel that their feelings are not valid or that they should not be sad or upset.”