Good relationships are more important than money and success to happiness, according to a new book based on the longest study of human happiness.
The Good Life is based on the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest adult life studies ever conducted.
The study followed the lives of 724 Boston men for 80 years, beginning in 1938 and then continuing to examine their baby boomer children.
Robert J. Waldinger, the psychiatrist and Zen priest who led the study, told DailyMail.com: “The most surprising finding is that good relationships not only make us happy as we go through life, but our bodies and ours Keep brain healthy.” and healthier. we live longer.’
Good relationships are more important than money and success to happiness, according to a new book based on the longest study of human happiness
The book is based on interviews that regularly measure people’s “life satisfaction” in their lives – overturning many of our assumptions about what leads to happiness.
Waldinger’s TED talk ‘What makes a good life? Lessons from the Longest Study of Happiness” has been viewed 44 million times.
He says the book, which came out in January, “digs deep into how relationships support our well-being.”
Below are some lessons about happiness in The Good Life:
Having friends makes you live longer
Social connectedness is strongly linked to health and longevity, say the researchers.
They point to a 2010 study that found that people with strong social connections were 50 percent more likely to survive in any given year.
Only a quarter of Americans get minimal exercise each week
Only 28% of American adults get 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise – such as running. B. brisk walking, cycling or gardening – and participating in muscle-strengthening activities at least two days a week.
The researchers write: “These are very large associations, comparable to the effect of smoking or cancer. And smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the United States.’
“Over time, study after study, including our own, reinforces the link between good relationships and health.”
What society says will make us happy, it won’t
Our society bombards us with messages about what makes us happy – from influencers flaunting wealth on social media to advertisements.
But culture tricks people into assuming that a new car, job or product will make them happy – and some of the most miserable people in the study were rich and “successful”.
The authors write: “Ads tell us that eating this brand of yogurt will make us healthy, that buying this smartphone will bring new joy to our lives, and that using a special face cream will keep us forever young. “
Study participants who didn’t make time for people ended up isolated — and desperately unhappy.
A man slowly lost contact with his wife and children and ended up alone apart from a neighbor with whom he watched TV.
One culprit is the amount of time Americans spend in media, including television and social media, which now climbs to 11 hours a day.
The researchers write: “For someone who is 18, it is 28 years before they turn 80.
“But most of us have friends and family who give us energy that we don’t see enough of. Do you spend time with the people who matter most to you?’
It can be helpful to write down who you support
To build a healthy support network, the researchers advise writing down in different categories who supports you and who supports you.
Support can take the form of Safety and Security, Learning and Growth, Emotional Closeness and Trust, Sharing Experience, Romantic Intimacy, Rest and Fun and Relaxation.
To build a healthy support network, the researchers advise writing down in different categories who you support and who you support (file image).
The researchers write: “Are there people in your life that you would like to support more? If you have people in your life who care for others or who are under a lot of stress, are there ways you can be there for them and make sure they have support themselves?’
Happiness is not a goal
The authors say that happiness is not a goal but a process and that happiness is unlocked by going through difficult times with people.
The study is full of people who struggle in their lives, but remain happy because of their strong relationships.
The authors write: “The good life is joyful. . . and challenging. Full of love but also pain.
answer now
And it never actually happens; instead, the good life unfolds over time. It is a process.
“It involves turbulence, calmness, ease, tension, struggle, achievements, setbacks, leaps forward and horrible falls. And of course the good life always ends in death.”
Take a smarter approach
To help you build your relationships with other people, the authors recommend a “wiser” approach to problems.
These are Observe, Interpret, Choose (an answer), Engage, Reflect – take time to think through each phase of your answer.
Psychiatry writers joke that it can be described as: “Just don’t do anything… just sit there!”
Happiness is not a goal but a process and that happiness is unlocked by enduring difficult times with people
They write: “If we want to learn from our experiences and do better next time, we have to do more than just live through them. We must reflect.
“Next time maybe we can take that extra split second to think about the situation, to sort it out
To set goals, consider options, act on them and guide the needle of our lives in the right direction.”
Happiness can be found at any time
It is common for people to feel “stuck” in their unhappy lives or that there is nothing they can do to change.
A watchmaker in the study has been stuck in an unhappy marriage all his life – but when he divorced his wife at the age of 68, he started meeting people from his local gym on a daily basis.
It is common for people to feel “stuck” in their unhappy lives or that there is nothing they can do to change
His lucky score went to the highest possible.
Many study participants also had unhappy childhoods, or children ruined by drunk or abusive parents, but lived happily ever after.
The authors write: “Your way of being in the world is not set in stone. It is more like they are in the sand. Your youth is not your destiny. Your natural disposition is not your destiny. The neighborhood you grew up in is not your destiny. The research clearly shows this.”
The Good Life and How to Live It: Lessons from the World’s Longest Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Shulz is now available.
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Crystal Leahy is an author and health journalist who writes for The Fashion Vibes. With a background in health and wellness, Crystal has a passion for helping people live their best lives through healthy habits and lifestyles.
