Psychologist Dr. Goli Abrishami has shared effective phrases to counter condescending behavior without escalating conflict, according to a report by Parade. Abrishami, vice president of clinical care at Octave, explained that patronizing behavior often stems from underlying insecurity.
A person may speak down to others to feel stronger or more confident, Abrishami said. Other reasons include a belief in their own superiority, stress, a defensive reaction, or an inability to recognize if their comments are appropriate.
Abrishami identified a primary response for condescending comments: stating that you do not think they meant it that way. This response signals that the words were noticed while avoiding aggressive confrontation. It forces the speaker to reflect on their words, potentially leading them to retract the statement, alter their behavior, or realize they crossed personal boundaries.
When someone acts patronizing, Abrishami advised against accepting the role of someone who knows less and urged people to calmly stand their ground.
Additional phrases for setting boundaries
Abrishami offered six additional statements depending on the situation. For someone who constantly explains things as if you cannot understand, she suggested saying thank you, but you will let them know if you need it explained again. For unwanted advice, stating that you will keep the opinion in mind acknowledges the comment without requiring you to act on it.
To prompt someone to evaluate their words, Abrishami suggested asking whether they are explaining something or just thinking out loud. A shorter response, stating that you heard them and will figure it out from here, shows you heard the comment without inviting further instruction. To end a conversation politely, she recommended saying that you appreciate their perspective, but already know what to do.
For cases where someone openly crosses lines, Abrishami suggested asking them to repeat the statement while speaking like an adult. She noted that this harsher option directly highlights a condescending tone, though it may provoke confrontation.
Impact of condescending behavior
Continuous interaction with condescending people can lead to self-doubt, lower self-esteem, and normalize disrespectful treatment. Abrishami advised against trying to win every argument, recommending instead to calmly show that disrespect has been noticed and will not be accepted.
