An Australian mother and successful businesswoman who has hid her heroin use from the world for the past two decades has answered tough questions about her ongoing addiction.
Kelly*, a mother in her 50s, began using drugs in her early twenties, but it wasn’t until her mid-30s when a serious separation and desire to numb painful feelings sparked another heroin “desire.”
He succumbed to craving and embarked on a 20-year “high-functioning” heroin addiction, spending up to $1,500 each week on drugs while coming out for his family and job.
Kelly appeared anonymously on Zoe Marshall’s popular podcast The Depth and shared her plight after years of battling feelings of isolation and sadness.
Kelly*, a mother in her fifties, started using drugs in her early twenties, but it wasn’t until her mid-30s that a serious breakup and her desire to numb painful feelings triggered a new heroin “desire.” )
“My situation makes me very lonely because I can’t share that side of myself with anyone in my life – I want to show that addicts are people too,” she said.
“Many of us are involved in criminal activities, but most of us are not: we are parents, mothers, colleagues, and good people like everyone else.
“You can’t share it with people because they’re panicking. I lost my friends just because I knew I was a user… I lost my relatives”.
Zoe shared her opinion of a stereotypical “heroin addict”, describing her as “pretty debilitated, helpless, messy and sick”. But when she spoke to Kelly, she admitted that she saw nothing more than “an intelligent, planned, and outspoken woman.”
Kelly has appeared anonymously on Zoe Marshall’s popular podcast (pictured), The Deep, to share her condition after years of battling feelings of isolation and grief.
This is because Kelly manages her addiction using prescription opioid drugs, typically through pharmacotherapy, a program designed to help addicts stop taking drugs.
The $5-a-day drug prevents severe withdrawal symptoms, thus eliminating the feeling of “extreme hopelessness” when its supply runs out.
“People don’t realize there are a lot of people in my situation but they don’t see them and they don’t talk about them,” she said.
I work hard so that my kids don’t know – my biggest fear is that one day they will find out.
Before Kelly’s relapse, she was in a weak spot and never saw her return to heroin after a brief two-year addiction between the ages of 20 and 22.
‘I’ve been out for a long time. “I worked, I lived my life, I bought a house and I was really confident and confident that I would never go back there again,” he said.
However, even though I consider my personality to be a “consumer”. I smoked a lot of weed and cigarettes during this time, so part of my being always felt like I had to do something. “
Kelly says the only physical sign of the dangerous drug is persistent constipation.
His breakup was a trigger he never saw coming.
She believes the unexpected trauma of separation caused her to inadvertently want the “crutch” she had used before, even though it had been more than a decade since he touched her.
Kelly injects himself four to five days a week because he can afford it and although he uses it at home and occasionally at work, he believes no one in his inner circle has any idea.
“It’s a lot of money, but I’m lucky to have a good job and make a good amount of money, but I can make it easier by doing it without a lot of other stuff,” he admitted.
“I don’t have a vacation. I don’t buy many things that other people can buy. There are many things that don’t exist because they are.”
He says the only physical sign of the dangerous drug is persistent constipation.
“I always get it when the kids are away and usually get it when they go, but to be honest, I’ve had it at home before,” she said.
“My drug use is a small part of my life, but it requires secrets and these secrets are a barrier whether people know it or not.”
Because he is tolerant, the main benefit he gets from the drug is what he describes as “integrity.”
“It’s like something is missing and you’ve changed it,” he said.
Kelly said he would probably be in a different place today if his closest friends had reacted differently when he shared the news of the relapse.
It’s a vicious circle. One of the reasons I use it is because I feel isolated and alone. And then I use it to create that isolation.
“I thought I could really tell people I’ve known and loved for years. “The reaction I got when I told them was so intense and full of fear, hatred, judgment and desolation because they just disappeared,” he said.
“This is a vicious circle. One of the reasons I use it is because I feel isolated and alone. And then I create this isolation using It could have been very different.
Kelly admitted that she feels extremely guilty about her addiction, especially when she thinks her children have lost and spends a lot of time feeling lonely and sad.
‘I want to quit – my life would be so much easier and I miss that so much. Part of me desperately wants to be able to do the things I could do if I had quit and spent so much money, but the other part doesn’t,” he said, claiming that I have “psychological addiction”. . .
“I don’t have a partner, but I have children and none of them know. I work hard so they don’t know – my biggest fear is they’ll find out one day.”
Kelly said he has hope for the future and believes he can quit.
Zoe (pictured) uses her podcast to share stories of the underrepresented in society
‘I didn’t accept that my life was going to be like this. I see my future differently and I think about how to make up for lost time, to have what I don’t have and to enjoy life more. There is also a part of me that feels every day that this is not going to happen, that it might be close to not happening,” she admitted.
“I make sure my kids get what they need and take a vacation, go places and do all that. They’re not overseas trips and they’re not private schools, but they definitely have what it takes.
‘Feeling guilty? I’m definitely doing this because there are things they miss, things they would otherwise achieve, and we would do differently. I could have taken them to places where we could create more memories.”
As determined by his oldest friends, Kelly said he will continue to offer advice and plans until he finds “the thing that will position himself and change the trajectory.”
Unfortunately, Kelly hasn’t arrived yet and grappling with deep pain, she admitted when Zoe asked her who she was when “no one was looking at her”.
“My first reaction was sad,” he said.
“There is a certain amount of coolness that we all have for the world. I feel so isolated and everything we talk about; I feel guilty and worried.
“I get very upset when I’m honest about the times I don’t have to go to work and pretend everything is perfect.
“I’m sure that one day or so soon everything will change. I don’t think that just because I couldn’t do it once doesn’t mean I can’t do it again.’
* Name changed
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, call the National Alcohol and Other Drug Helpline on 1800 250 015 for confidential advice or Lifeline 13 11 14 for substance abuse support.
You can find the full episode of The Deep with Kelly here.
Source: Daily Mail
