After the bride’s mother asked if she was expected to spend money on her daughter’s big day, it sparked an argument over whether parents should pay for weddings.
Head over to the UK Parenting Forum mumsnet.
She explained that she and her husband could receive private education for their children, but now that they’re both retired, less money comes in.
“Is it unreasonable to think we’re doing our part and that our daughter should pay for her wedding?” she asked.
Many commentators have argued that the idea that parents pay for a wedding is outdated and that if he can afford it, he should be the best helper.
But others have confirmed that
One mom took to the UK parenting forum for advice on whether parents still need to pay for weddings, declaring that she feels she’s “doing her part” for her daughter (stock image)
Describing the situation, the woman said, “Our daughter was recently engaged to her boyfriend of 12 years. They are both in their thirties and have been working and living together for several years.
“My husband and I are retired, so no more money is coming. We’ll go on vacation again, but we don’t have as much money as before.’
In a follow-up post, he expressed concerns that his daughter didn’t ask him to pay but was “stingy” by commenting on the cost of the wedding.
He added that he would likely pay for “something” like a dress, but feared “this move would be deemed inadequate”.
The bride’s mother asked if it was unreasonable not to pay for her daughter’s wedding, fearing that an act of buying the dress would not be considered sufficient.
“No, you are not unreasonable at all,” one wrote. “I got married a few years ago and never expected my family to spend money on it. I chose to get married, so I had to pay. I don’t see how you can see it any other way.
“Dad paid for my dress as a thank you, but I didn’t expect that at all and we made sure we were saving and budgeting right.”
Another mother was one of many who argued that the concept of paying parents was outdated.
Commentators took my mom’s side, saying that parents shouldn’t expect to be able to finance the big day and that it’s a couple’s choice if they want to spend money on a wedding.
“I’m not going to pay for weddings, I think it’s a bit old-fashioned to do that,” she said.
“I would offer to donate, but the couple gets to choose how big/small they want their party to be, so they have to pay for it themselves.”
Some insisted that their parents make a contribution, such as paying for their daughter’s dress.
Others noted that this can create an expectation as her daughter receives special education and is comfortably raised with similar friends.
“Why don’t you contribute if you can?” someone wrote. “It wouldn’t be unusual, perhaps surprising, in the context of having paid for so much.”
One bride-to-be said that she also had a private education and that almost all of the families in her friendship group or a significant part of their marriage paid off.
“Maybe that’s where the expectation comes from, if any,” he explained.
Another agrees, he said: If you send your children to a private school, most of their peers will have parents paying (part of) the marriage.
“Be aware that you choose not to. I always want to help my children, my choice is not to have them / have more than one child”.
Meanwhile, another stigmatized the mother as “a little mean and mean” and said she would definitely make some money out of her pension.
Others dismissed the notion that it was outdated for parents to pay, saying it was “customary” for the father to finance his daughter’s marriage.
“Don’t you want it for your daughter?” she asked.
Another agreed and said: When did this tradition die? My friends in their 60s, whose daughters just got married, contributed a lot to their marriage. They wanted and felt what parents wanted.
Source: Daily Mail
