How to part civilly by correspondence if everything is complicated

Parting by correspondence is especially painful, but in some cases partners cannot find a better way. After all, a personal meeting can again end in a stormy showdown, mutual claims or, at best, delaying the inevitable. And then: sometimes we fear our partner’s reaction, especially if he or she is short-tempered by nature. Additionally, when we meet, our language connects and it becomes easier to express our thoughts and feelings in letters. So how can we do this in as humane and civilized a way as possible? Let’s talk.

State your intention immediately

Blake Lively and Leighton Meester in Gossip Girl

Sometimes we are mistaken when we think that we need to choose a good moment to leave, “prepare the ground” or come from afar, rather than just starting a conversation. If you have already decided that you are not on the same path as a person, then write “I have decided to break up with you.”


Unreasonable expectations bring the most pain, but no one has to live up to our dreams. It is better to choose a partner that suits you rather than changing someone. Therefore, there is no need to write something in the spirit of “you have become the last scoundrel”. Of course, if your soul asks and it makes you feel better, then who’s to stop you? Complaints only show that you are still not ready to end the relationship and are living in the past. If you’re going to say goodbye, do it right. But tell me about yourself.

State the reason

To avoid disappointing your partner, immediately write down why you want to break up. No one likes to feel bad, so the unfortunate person will obsessively knock on your home doorstep and watch you at work to find an answer. Don’t create trouble with your own hands. Write down why you don’t enjoy spending time together anymore, but still without blaming. Maybe you have a different style and pace of life. Some people cannot imagine their lives without parties, while others want peace and tranquility.

Don’t get carried away

You may want to describe in detail some situations that upset or confused you. For example, he stared at or complimented another girl at an event, which put you in an awkward situation. If you remember this situation, most likely he will not remember it and will want to justify himself. Therefore, the farewell letter will turn into a verbal fight. It is better to express yourself briefly, simply and specifically, omitting details.

Offer other ways to engage

If it turns out that your belongings were left at your partner’s house or vice versa, offer the most acceptable and safe option for interaction. For example, say that your friend or courier will pick up the items. Situations are different. After all, if your partner is aggressive, there’s a chance he’ll take his anger out on you. Therefore, meeting in person would be unwise and dangerous.

don’t give hope

Don’t lose any hope that you will change your mind. Your ex must understand and accept himself in his new status. Otherwise, he will perceive your words as manipulation and a reason for active action. Make it clear that this is the end of the relationship, not just a pause.

Thank you for the love

And finally sweeten the pill. Give thanks for everything that happened between you. Explain that your choice does not make him a bad person, but that you are too different to pursue a further relationship.

Source: People Talk

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