Mental health problems may seem invisible, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. “There is still a lot of stigma around things like fear and that leads to us not knowing how to manage it when it appears. Much like when we feel fear, we often tend to go to great lengths to not feel and emotionally numb ourselves (whether it’s raiding the fridge, scrolling endlessly on social networks, or having whatever instant fun we have on hand) , when someone close to us opens up and tells us that he is suffering from anxiety, it is easy for us not to know how to react and we try (with the best of intentions) to say something to pass the awkward moment let go and change the subject,” explains Ixi Ávila (ixiavila.com), emotional intelligence coach.
What to say to someone who opens up and trusts us to express how he feels? The expert shares her top tips for answering correctly:
- Instead of saying, “Don’t exaggerate, it’s not that bad. There are people who have it worse than you and who don’t complain,” you can say, “I understand, you’re not alone. I’m here if you want to talk.”
It is very important not to discredit the feelings of the person who is struggling and to validate them by trying to understand instead of judging. - Instead of saying, “Don’t think about it, relax already,” try saying, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
- If I tell you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant,” you’ve probably already visualized the elephant in your mind. It is important to understand that the person does not care about him on purpose and that he is doing his best. If you want to support, offer your sincere help and let the person tell you what they need.
- Instead of saying, “Don’t be a drama queen, tonight we’re going out and you’ll forget,” you can say, “You can count on me, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, we all need help getting her up.” at some point and that’s fine.
Keep in mind that an anxiety problem is not solved in a night of distraction, it is trying to convey understanding.
The expert points out that when a public person opens up the debate on mental health, it helps to:
- Break the taboo: the moment we stop hiding mental health problems, we will realize how common they are and we can come up with solutions that really improve our inner self.
- Encouraging other people to seek therapy: what better influence could there be than that? When we suddenly see that those people that society idealizes are also asking or needing help, and they are not ashamed, we begin to consider giving ourselves permission to do the same.
- The wonderful effect: ‘I’m not alone’: When the conversation starts, many people recognize and realize that the problem is not just with them. That in itself is healing. How do you say in English: A shared problem is a divided problem.
Source: Marie Claire
