The cult of beautiful bodies and defiant behavior: how stereotypes hinder relationship building

No matter how many blessings a person has, they always want more – we get satisfaction from this and feel that we are living a full life. And it’s not just about expensive things or career advancement: the relationship between a man and a woman is also constantly evolving. But the phrase “I want more” has a negative effect on them.

Often the desire to want more is confused with the fashionable and imposed on us by social networks, a picture in a movie or a lifestyle medium. We believe in this ideality, which is actually artificial, and therefore we lead to stereotypes about how it should or should not be.

Clinical psychologist Daria Suslova told The Fashion Vibes how attitudes prevent us from being happy.

Daria Suslova, clinical psychologist

Why do we fall victim to stereotypes?

Let’s go back to history. In ancient times, when people relied more on instinct than reason, women were almost equated with livestock. No one asked them if they wanted to get married. And after the girl changed her social status, she had to submit to her desires. homeowner – husband. If he was developed and emotional enough, he would not be able to beat a woman even if it did not meet his needs. But often the opposite happened, and therefore a sense of insecurity, fear of her husband and suffering during sexual intercourse haunted her.

Later, when the world developed, women began to take sensual pleasure from sex, but before that, satisfaction was not necessary at all. The desires of his soul grew, and a significant part of these changes occurred in the last hundred years of human existence. In some ways, this development took place on the male principle: women wanted more vivid sensations from sex, which, according to stereotypes in the old days, was the prerogative of only men. A woman may not have an orgasm, but a man is supposed to have an orgasm by default.

What prejudices hinder happiness?

Little has changed for men: Many still see sex as a physiological need, just like food or sleep. But for many this is not enough, the content of sensual relationships that was previously expected only from women is needed.

The evolution of the psyche can be compared to a constant feeling of hunger, when you almost never experience complete satisfaction. And this constant hunger activates the desire for constant development and consumption. And infinite and unlimited. Today, both a woman and a man want a more emotional connection, not ordinary procreation. It remains relevant, but sex is added to the goal – childbearing – as a way to enjoy. It strengthens emotional bonds between people, especially where there is trust and a sense of understanding each other.

However, the same desire to consume has increased so much that a relationship such as a lifelong stable marriage has ceased to satisfy most of us.

Relationships between the sexes often become consumerist and lose their intimacy. And here a paradox arises: the loss of emotional intimacy leads to even greater dissatisfaction. Emotions start to seem like they’ve exhausted themselves and you start looking for a new partner to re-experience all living emotions.

One night stands or guest marriages, once publicly condemned, are now a privilege for many.

It pushes them and the popularization of sex in the cinema. By the way, the picture raises the cult of beautiful bodies and defiant behavior, which brings many complexes to the life of an ordinary woman, if she constantly compares herself and her appearance with what she sees on the screen. Frustration grows in the person and their partner – and, consequently, in sexual relationships in general. Everything seems to be available, but there is no satisfaction.

Psychologists know very well: if the pendulum swung completely towards unbridledness, then complete asexuality will certainly accompany it. Japanese researchers concluded that 40% of married couples have never had sex, and that most of those who make this choice consciously are young people.

Relationships are now dominated by a rational approach – partnership is often put above love. It’s easier to do and travel without a gorgeous wedding and ring. It is easier to do without children – this way you can build a career and get rid of the burden of building a joint life. Or immediately after birth, transfer the upbringing of the child to the parents. Social roles in the family are mixed: when such a child grows up, he is likely to have childishness and internal self-doubt.

How to find love and not depend on stereotypes?

To change the stereotypes of “a woman should do” or “a man should”, you need to develop the skills to build genuine intimacy between partners. When our values, including spirituality, overlap and we want to satisfy a partner’s desires as well as our own. If the other partner also feels the same, then there is a sense of security, the relationship becomes harmonious as both parties experience satisfaction. Marriage does not lose its value if spiritual intimacy with a partner comes first, not hormones.

In order for us to see green sprouts in nature, the grain must be destroyed. Experts say that the fashion for open relationships, separate marriages and asexuality should one day stay in the background and make room for such connections where spirituality and emotional intimacy will come to the fore.

Because that’s how life works: a man can grasp himself and his world only through a woman. A woman inspires him, gives him a sensual and sexual content. It is no accident that most men are ready for success only for the sake of the second half.