We all die, but we don’t all live: What is delayed life syndrome?

Have you heard of delayed life syndrome? This is a situation where the person is constantly waiting for some work, problem or circumstance to change and finally can enjoy the moment.

For example, he expects life to return to normal after a certain period of time. “Winter will end – I will start to lose weight”, “I will close the mortgage – and live”, “The children will grow up – I will take care of myself”. Waiting for the end of the next stage gives the illusion that the changes will happen spontaneously and that life will be filled with pleasure. It is important that people suffering from delayed life syndrome or neurosis do not strive to achieve the goal. It happens that a person gives himself the task of changing something in a year. For example, pay off a loan. Then he makes an effort: he makes plans and realizes what needs to be done to make them happen. But with Deferred Life Syndrome (or DLS), it doesn’t work that way. The psychologist of the Yasno service, Zulfiya Bayramkulova, told how to deal with the problem and learn to appreciate the present moment.

Zulfiya Bayramkulova, psychologist

How does the syndrome occur?

The COO is formed in relationships with parents during early childhood. It is often seen in the children of authoritarian people who want a lot from the child but do not realize their feelings. They always know better what the baby should do, do not teach him to listen to his thoughts, do not develop creativity – such children eventually turn into “robots”. In adulthood, they clearly know how to implement the plan, but cannot take “childish” pleasure from the process. In childhood, they acted on the instructions of their parents – because it was “necessary”, but did not think about why. They can dream, invent, but do not develop the skill of action, activity, which helps to turn desire into a goal and face the result. It’s also an important skill – acknowledging your successes or, if it didn’t work out, surviving failure and moving on. On the one hand, this happens because their parents do not allow their creativity to develop. On the other hand, due to intrapsychic factors, the collision with reality becomes painful, and also due to the inability to experience this disappointment. In the childhood of such people, everything is determined without their participation, and they do not know how to behave in their own life: choose, hear themselves, act and be active.

How is SOZ expressed?

The concept of coolant was introduced in 1997 by Professor Vladimir Serkin. He studied the inhabitants of the northern regions, who were waiting for their real life to begin after moving to warmer climates. Now this syndrome manifests itself in men and women aged 20 to 40 years. Most often, it occurs when a midlife crisis begins – a person reconsiders, sums up his life. Many realize that they do not have time to do what they have planned, that many of their desires and dreams do not come true. Those who have sufficient mental strength and ability begin to change things.

Frame from the series “Unscrupulous”

If we compare the current generation with the previous ones, the same syndrome will have different preconditions. For the generation of our grandmothers and parents, this was associated with wars, perestroika, famines – they postponed life for more stable times. Now the syndrome is more associated with the abundance of pictures of a beautiful life that surrounds us on social networks. Active people perceive this as motivation. In people prone to refrigerant, this inhibits reactivity. They get the feeling that everyone is living a good life, traveling, but this is difficult or impossible to achieve. Psychic defenses stop activity to save a person from the frustration they cannot bear if they fail.

consequences of the syndrome

The consequences of coolant can be different, up to depression. The syndrome has different degrees of manifestation. A person lives with the expectation that someone will come and change his life – for example, a new partner or children who will meet all his needs and make him happy, but this does not happen. With age, mental defenses become stronger, more rigid, and it becomes more and more difficult to change something. A person can stop enjoying even the slightest pleasure in life because he expects it. Someone will come and fix everything. When they try to help him, he refuses to help, expecting something better, ideal. They cannot enjoy what they have.

Withdrawn from the TV series “Knock My Door”

The coolant can have advantages only when inactive, without pathology. Then the syndrome can discipline: the person limits his spending to pay off his debts. But this only works when a person’s activity and creativity are undisturbed.

How to deal with the syndrome?

Whether a person can cope with coolant on their own depends on how severe the syndrome is. If the ability to wish, to act, to change his life is preserved, the person can overcome the syndrome on his own. The first step is to become aware of the problem: what attitudes, thoughts, expectations have put your life on pause. Perhaps these are unrealistic expectations of adulthood, or the inability to listen to one’s own desires, to define them. This happens when a person gets used to living according to someone else’s plan. Next, you need to define your own desires and formulate goals that correspond to real opportunities and limitations. Then you need to write a change plan. It is important that these changes be smooth because for the psyche this is a lot of stress. It’s like jogging: you have to walk first, then increase distance and speed to accustom yourself to discipline.

It is difficult to get rid of the cooler because the soul perceives any change, even positive, as a threat. It takes a lot of time to get used to the new one. The transition should be smooth so that the spirit does not cease to obey you. To overcome the syndrome, it is necessary to conduct intrapsychic work. You need to change the way you think about yourself, about the responsibility of your own life. A person shifts responsibility for his lack of pleasure to others. Accepting responsibility is a difficult task that often causes pain, guilt and shame.

Shot from the movie “Diary of Memory”

People prefer the future to the present because of the reality principle. We are used to dreaming of a beautiful future. But in reality we encounter failures, things don’t turn out the way we want. Compared to the ideal future, any real gift looks “tasteless”. To learn to enjoy, you must learn to experience dissatisfaction. It is difficult, so the person repeatedly returns to dreams of a brighter future – it seems to him that dreams fill him, but in fact this is just an empty proxy.

It is impossible to always live here and now without putting anything off until later. It all depends on how often this desire manifests itself and how it affects life. It happens that a person is overloaded and postpones the implementation of plans until later, so as not to be exhausted. After a while he gets better and takes action. Problems begin when there is a feeling that someone else should be doing these things for him.

You need to give up fantasies about the ideal to live in the here and now. Reality is mundane, imperfect but more alive and real.

It is difficult for a person who cannot face the result to live in the moment. Expectation and reality do not always match, and disappointment brings pain. It is a struggle between the ideal and the real, where the real always loses. You need to give up fantasies about the ideal to live in the here and now. Reality is mundane, imperfect but more alive and real.

Source: People Talk

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Top Trending

Related POSTS