Why does our generation hesitate to believe in Santa Claus?

When we were little, all the folklore around Santa Claus was almost a must. Now that we’re parents ourselves, we realize that “make believe Santa Claus” is no longer so systematic, and that our generation is divided on this issue! How come ?

Since when does an old bearded man bring Christmas presents?

Christmas is the great family celebration that we have known only since the nineteenth century, when the event gradually dissociated itself from its religious aspect. The celebrations then take up more space, and the tradition of decorating the tree spreads and, with it, the Christmas spirit.

Santa Claus, originally called “Bonhomme Noël” in France, appeared in the late 19th century, a plump old man with a white beard, but without the red costume we now know. On the other side of the Atlantic, Santa Claus was born at the same time, the result of a mixture of European traditions, brought by migrants who settled in America.

After World War II, the influence of Santa Claus came to France to shape a new Santa Claus, and his image was quickly captured by department stores and their advertisements. Santa Claus then takes a very important place with the children, making Christmas their party. In the decades that followed, the fact was ascertained: it’s Santa Claus bringing the presents, impossible not to believe it !

The question of believing it and until when

In 1931 the professional magazine “L’École et la vie” told the story of a mathematics teacher who revealed to a 7-year-old boy that Santa Claus did not exist. The father of the child took the teacher to court and won! An anecdote that is still current given that, very recently, a mother from the Gard filed a complaint against a teacher for the same reasons. Unlike thattoday probably justice would no longer consider that believing in Santa Claus is essential and sacred.

Beyond the question of believing in Santa Claus, there is therefore also the equally important question of knowing when to reveal the truth. It is necessary to believe that in the XXᵉ century, only this question was valid on this matter. It was inevitable to believe in Santa Claus, but until when? Should the child be left to discover the truth on his own or should he spill the beans?

Reasons for dissent

Let’s go back to a time closer to ours, about thirty years ago. Rare are the parents who do not embark on the folklore of Santa Claus, with more or less fervor, ranging from “yes yes there is my darling, if you say so” to the uncle who casually plays his role every December 24th .

Then, a little boy learns from his older brother that it’s all nonsense and passes the message on to his friends. Some cry, some don’t care, and some Christmas enthusiasts deny this truth. The aforementioned truth breaks into children more or less early, from the beginning of kindergarten to the end of primary school. And not everyone experiences this revelation in the same way. How many of you are still traumatized by this parental betrayal?

It should also be mentioned that some children have found this story very suspicious. With separated parents and several Christmases in the family, how does Santa Claus orient himself, where does he leave his presents? And is there really only one, why have I seen two smoking behind the mall?

In short, our generation is that of transition, with broken Christmases that distance the myth, and the desire not to perpetuate the same feeling of betrayal. And at the same time… doesn’t making believe Santa make all the magic of Christmas disappear? How to keep the Christmas spirit without Santa Claus?

So, tradition or lie?

Myth, lie, legend, belief, tradition, call it what you will, but when you ask the parents, two teams emerge.

The first wants to perpetuate this tradition, and the word that occurs most often is “magic”. “Bring the magic into their lives, let’s see their eyes shine” “It’s part of the magic of childhood and Christmas” “I enjoyed experiencing this magic” “I want to leave them a part of innocence and magic” “I have the impression that it is a short period of their life that allows them to escape, to dream a little” “Bring a little dream”.

This Santa Claus team loved to believe in childhood and wants to convey these emotions to his offspring. “I still believe it a little too, believing it made me so happy in my childhood! “I liked to believe it!” » « I have very good memories of it, and I would like my children to experience the same thing » « There is a part of personal nostalgia ».

Other arguments refer to the child’s development: “Teaches them patience and anticipation” “It allows them to develop their imagination, it’s essential! »

Finally, traditional folklore is popular. “It’s a nice tradition” “My children prepare a glass of milk and biscuits for Santa Claus, with a carrot for the reindeer” “They look at him, they try to see his sleigh in the sky”.

But many specify that they do not adhere to the blackmail that sometimes accompanies this tradition or to the abundance of gifts. “We don’t blackmail Santa Claus at all, and we never said it was for good children” “We limit the list to Santa Claus to avoid overflowing with unnecessary gifts” “I am absolutely against blackmail!”

Disclosure is not necessarily a concern. “I am convinced that when they are old enough to discover the truth, most children are not shocked by the revelations, both because they are progressive and because they are happy to be part of the team of adults in the know. »

Even the lie does not worry. “I would never go so far as to say it exists if the child explicitly asks” “To me it doesn’t count as a lie” “It’s a good lesson for children not to believe everything they say.”

However, from parents who don’t want to encourage Santa’s belief, the main motivation is precisely to avoid lying. “My husband had a great feeling of betrayal when he realized they were the parents” “ I was traumatized when my parents told me it didn’t exist. I doubted everything the adults told me afterwards. It made me so anxious that I even doubted my own existence” “For me it is out of the question to lie, to have this superiority over the child” “I had the impression of being taken for a fool when I found out the truth” .

Another reason is to prevent the bearded man in the red suit from collecting all the honors. “They need to know that presents don’t fall from the sky and that real people make an effort to think of him” “We present the character to him as a good story, I don’t want to lie to him, and I think it’s important that you thank the real people who do of gifts, not just an imaginary entity”. “We mean that gifts are given by people, they don’t fall from the sky”

This modern decision, however, encounters two obstacles: the family, often reluctant and ready to perpetuate the myth; and school, where almost everyone believes in Santa Claus. It is therefore difficult to stay on course.

However, a third group stands out: that of the neutrals, of the compromise. “We let her decide for herself” “When she asks questions, I ask her what she thinks” “We talk about Santa Claus without insisting, if she believes we will respect him without reinforcing her beliefs “We do not specifically encourage people to believe in Santa Claus, we don’t insist on it, but we read books about it”.

Finally, our choice of make believe or not often draws its motivations from our own childhood, between the desire to share the magic and the concern to avoid trauma. Fortunately, thanks to decorations, carols, Christmas markets and other shortbread sessions, it will always be possible to experience a festive and magical Christmas, whether you believe in Santa Claus or not!

The opinion of a psychologist

Lucie Rose is a psychologist specializing in neuropsychology and a doctoral candidate in psychology at the Center for Integrative Neurosciences and Cognition of the University of Paris / CNRS. What is her opinion on this?

Is believing in Santa Claus essential to developing your imagination?

“It’s not essential! In some families we choose not to introduce the idea of ​​Santa Claus, in others we bring different magical “characters” from this holiday season. Children have a thousand occasions during the year, holidays and otherwise, during which they develop their imagination, especially during their free time for play. In general, the holiday season is a time of family excitement, reunions, and often a privileged time for parents to reminisce about their childhood memories—all of which contribute to making these moments memorable events, Santa Claus or not. »

Is it serious to lie to your child about this matter?

“You have to make the difference between lying to your child and bringing a character to life until your child realizes, on their own, that this character isn’t real.

Lying to or in front of your child on a regular basis increases their propensity to lie afterwards, but this is a very different situation that affects more of the behaviors we model on a daily basis.

Children usually stop believing in Santa Claus around the age of seven, and before that age children sometimes have a hard time separating fact from fiction about their other favorite cartoon characters, for example, and entering their world. imaginary doesn’t make parents liars! What’s important is that when your child begins to question whether or not these characters are real, you have a window of opportunity to initiate the discussion and help him think for himself: Why are they wondering? What actions do they suggest to see things more clearly? »

Is telling the truth a necessary grieving process in child development?

“Often it is children who discover for themselves that Santa Claus does not exist. If this will make some children sad, it will be a relief for others to finally understand where the gifts come from! But in general, this allows children who no longer believe in it to have the role of “grown-up”, i.e. the child who will give life to the magic for the little ones, which is experienced as a great responsibility, because the child must therefore hold back for keep the secret. And it’s also an opportunity to discuss other important family topics, including talking about how many families can’t afford gifts and thinking together about ways to make the holiday season a joyous time for everyone. »