December 4, 2020
Pregnant, I have the feeling that I have gained value in the eyes of all. Since the announcement of my pregnancy, I (fucking) have had time to go through a thousand psychological states, especially since then I realized that I was no longer one, but two.
And already, this terminology posed a problem for me. Because yes, I am two years old. It is me, whom I have seen for 28 years, and I am also this future child. I build it with my guts, with my emotions and with my experience. And right now, I feel like they’re targeting me prying eyes of the mafia of motherhood to which Causette dedicated an excellent article.
Pregnant, I’m not free
I’ve always had a primal need for freedom, autonomy and a brutal rejection of anything that makes me feel attacked. However, this is not incompatible with the vital need to connect with each other, which is quite funny according to the words we use.
This did not prevent me from having a relationship, with ups and downs, in cohabitation, linked to National Education and almost linked to a bank. Yet, pregnant, I’m not free. I am not free because I am two years oldand I can’t just think of me (except when I have a fast food restaurant on a Sunday night). I’m tied up. With happiness and terror, inextricably linked.
I kept my pregnancy practically a secret for almost two months. When I was in a relationship, I had already had the feeling that I was seen as a better person by my family and some friends, as if has risen in rank in the collective social gaze. With pregnancy, this feeling was brought to a climax.
Pregnant, I was treated otherwise
Suddenly, we only talked about that, we only talked to me about the baby. I had just gotten used to the idea that I already had to know how I projected myself into the education of this child. Was I going to breastfeed? Where would I have given birth? What to plan for the equipment? And so on.
I moan, I moan, but what hinders us the most in this story is that these are questions we would really like to ask ourselves. And of course, we no longer dare: we choke under these questions that never come to us. I stopped asking him, because I was becoming invisible. Still, my neurons remained focused on this baby. Let me breathe! I was constantly told: But it is to help you! “.
Hello guilt, I didn’t miss you.
They called me more often, they helped me carry things, they told me ” Restless “But I’m not sick! We told me ” If you are tired, don’t come, I understand. “At work, I was encouraged to take a break, which I meant as an encouragement to alienate myself even more.
Manuella Spinelli, co-founder of Parents and Feminists, and professor of Gender Studies, points out:
” Until the 16th century, women sometimes worked until the day before giving birth. Resting during pregnancy was only the prerogative of the nobility. Pregnant women were therefore perceived as having creative power, and not as fragile bodies to be protected at all costs.
It was in the 17th century, under the influence of pronatalist policies, that this image of the “fragility” of pregnant women was born. By infantizing future mothers, society begins to see them as passive objects of their pregnancy, unable to understand that their bodies are going through.. “
As if, overnight, I finally had the right to be tired, to want to stay at home, to have variable moods and to be lazy. As if this child allowed unlimited social acceptance. ” She is entitled, she is pregnant “. Immediately, I wasn’t just boring anymore, I was pregnant.
Kindness isn’t just for pregnant women
The equation is simple: if I have something more in me and my value seems higher, so this value is only related to my baby ? As if I suddenly became a person with a golden halo who needed to be healed at all costs. I felt a discomfort without being able to define it, and then I understood.
Indeed, it infuriates me that this benevolence only manifests itself when there is a “socially valid” reason. For the sake of all, this logic should be global, for everyone, always. It should be normal to be treated well when you are tired, when you don’t feel like going out, when you ask for help.
The woman disappears behind her posture as a receptacle and her role as a mother, even before having lived it? No, I’m not a mother yet. I have a growing baby in my womb that I am already worried about, but I am not a mother yet. I will be born a mother only the day this little one is born, perhaps even later.
Faced with these mostly adorable attitudes, I’m crazy. Angry because it raises so many dangerous and unhealthy social and normative constructs. As people of all genders, we should be able to be heard and heard according to our needs, and not just when we carry on life.
Finally, all this attention during pregnancy saddens me
To all these people, most of whom I love, I would like to say that it saddens me that people call me more because I am pregnant, that they listen to me more because I am pregnant, that I am considered more because I am pregnant, more respect for my wishes because I’m pregnant.
I am sad because I fear that the moment I give birth, all this attention and kindness will fall on my baby, and that I feel even more alone. I’m sad, but still moved, so I don’t say anything. This pleasant attention spurt, many of us need itin different periods of their life.
I am referring here to the many articles on matrescence that may perhaps help people understand my feelings. And I am convinced of itto better consider young adults and young parents, our children would come out much stronger in life. They may also cling to stronger rocks.
The testimony of Renée Greusard, ” Pregnant, everything is possible “which is crude writing and far more honest than most of what we read on sites for moms-to-be, it’s a wonder to find out if, like me, early pregnancy wasn’t all joy and butterflies.
This is the advice of Manuela Spinelli, who concluded our interview with these words:
” The problem with this passive view of the pregnant womanis that a way of experiencing pregnancy and childbirth is imposed on her. By doing so, we are robbing him of the ability to choose. So don’t hesitate to read and inform yourself online – there are many resources that will enable you to make informed decisions! ”
Photo credit: Knocked up instructions (trailer) / Youtube screenshot
Source: Madmoizelle
Lloyd Grunewald is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. He is a talented writer who focuses on bringing the latest entertainment-related news to his readers. With a deep understanding of the entertainment industry and a passion for writing, Lloyd delivers engaging articles that keep his readers informed and entertained.
