Taboo: how sex has destroyed our love story

June 21, 2019

12 years ago, I met what seemed to me done, like half that completes me perfectly. Everything was easy with him: our relationship was based on understanding and respect and we never discussed. He was really my best friend. We had the taste of the same things, the same disappointments, we were laughing.

We were also perfectly integrated, both of our respective entourage. This relationship was like a utopia, the dream that we would not dare to allow us because it seems inconceivable. This guy was my man for lifeHe was sure, and everyone was convinced around us too.

Sex, real taboo behind appearances

Yet, behind appearances, he hid a problem that was a real taboo: sex. Very quickly in our relationship, I realized that he didn’t want me. He loved me with a deep love, but he didn’t have a sexual desire for me.

The rare moments that we made love were the disconcerting simplicity, without madness and without passion. AND The more the years passed, the less the sex was present. For my part, I had a fairly exacerbated sexuality and I felt that sex was the couple’s cement.

Not wanting from my boyfriend was something that had never happened to me, and if at the beginning it was simply disconcerting, the long -term impact was much more serious. I always wanted it, my desire for him was equivalent to my love.

The simple fact of touching him, smelling him, feel his skin, his lips, everything made me want to sleep with him. But for his part, he didn’t want to. Sometimes I tried to turn it on with bad underwear, but it didn’t work. Once, twice, three times …

He doesn’t want me: what happens if I was the problem?

After a while, I wanted to die the abscess. All this scenario seemed too unlikely to me, but for him everything was normal and it was the relationship with the sex he had always known and I had to worry.

Don’t worry, ok, I could try. But there was still the need to have sex. Wasn’t it the height that a hypersexual falls in love with an asexual? I listened to what was telling me, but I have to admit that I had not heard him. At the time I could not understand it.

It was out of the question for me to make scenes or approach the subject daily indicating a “problem”. Our life next to that was still perfect, so that I am guilty Being this woman thirsty for sex who asked a billion questions. I ended up saying that it was perhaps the problem, I also wondered if it wouldn’t have seen elsewhere if I were too ugly because he wanted me.

Gently, but certainly, and above all without saying anything to anyone, I started my descent to hell. In my head, I had become a laideron, what his boyfriend could not desire because it was ugly and I have never been so complex In my life at that moment.

I was ashamed of our problem of sexual incompatibility

I started to contain myself, I no longer wanted to go out and everything I have not exposed transparent words in my behavior, between jealousy and pout.

At that time, I didn’t even dare to discuss them with my closest friends, I really was ashamed to talk about it. Too bad to put words on what was going on, on the fact that my boyfriend did not want me sexually.

I was ashamed because the years passed, and although I convinced me that it was possible to live an incredible love story even if the sex was poor, in practice, that it did not go to me at all. And I wanted to continue thinking about sex and suddenly to question me semsentically in question because he replied that it was normal.

One morning, the pain was too intense. We did not have sex for 6 months, when our couple apparently worked wonderfully and we had just engaged. I loved him so much if I knew it.

Lack of sex, a problem that led us to break

But that morning, waking up crying for the umpteenth time, I understood that psychological suffering had taken too much space. I no longer accepted his explanation, certainly I didn’t understand it and the impact on me was too serious. Above all, I was convinced that this situation could never improve, so that morning I knew what I had to do. I left it.

At the moment, I experienced it as a relief, certainly because I was losing a profound discomfort. I didn’t wait long before finding an active sex life, see hyperactive. I physically needed to fill a terrible lack. It was animal, I just wanted to have sex.

He lasted for years, during which I convinced myself that I made the right decision and that I lived my best life. The simple fact of being desired made me very well and I could satisfy all these fantasies that I could not even evoke with him. I had fun.

And then one morning, I was tired of these adventures without tomorrow. And I lost myself deeply. Then I thought about it and tried to redo the story upside down, you know a bit like in the film Eternal Sunshine of my immaculate mind And then I had to face the biggest mistake in my existence: having left man in my life!

Of sex without a future and awareness after breaking

I realized that for 6 years I had been so drunk with the sex that I had forgotten how much I was missing. All these men who wanted me, who wanted to touch my body, made me forget how much he loved me.

I suddenly lacked, I thought I thought the pain would kill me. Did I have to contact him? Yes, but what is nice to relaunch a story without treating the wound before! I shouldn’t forget that the reason for the breaking had been his position in front of sex and the fact that I cannot accept it.

And seen how that, what is the use of contacting him and finally is faced with the same problem and suffer again? If I hadn’t found the solution at that moment, why will I find it today? And in truth, it was ironing our story that I realized the numerous errors that I had made in all these years.

Maturity has also allowed me to accept many things. First of all, I took into account the possibility thatit is asexual and that everything he said was valid. I also understood that I was partly responsible for my suffering, because at the moment I was too limited to believe it and that I ended up convincing myself I didn’t physically like it, that I was ugly.

Being with this man and being unfaithful?

But also the fact of never having talked about it around me, of not giving me, that I had not taken advice. If it were, I would have understood that many couples lived the same thing. Of course, all this was my fact, but let’s not forget that there was also a concern about the incompatibility between my hypersexuality and its asexuality, so how could I have managed it?

It is here that it becomes complicated and there is no right answer, but only questions. Many friends, as well as my father, had told me after the break that I should have stayed with him and have lovers next to him.

At the time, I found this observation absolutely moved and unthinkable, deceive the man I loved more than anything else? But what idea! For a long time, I had a very sacred vision of loyalty, like many people in the end. In recent years, my opinion has changed and has changed for a good reason: I lost the man of my life to have a sacred loyalty.

Today I really wonder if it wasn’t the solution. Or if we could not have explored other relationships of relationships, such as the free couple or the Poliamor.

8 years have passed now that we have been separated and two years that I miss terribly and that I cannot reconstruct. I tried to contact him of course, but he did his life again and I know that I probably lost it forever.