Why I Cancelled My Wedding Six Months Ago

Why I Cancelled My Wedding Six Months Ago

It’s every bride and groom’s nightmare: the invitations are sent out, the catering is planned, the dresses are purchased and… a few weeks before the ceremony, the wedding has to be canceled. It happened to Marie and she tells you why today she doesn’t regret anything.

Friday, 12:27, madmoiZelle breakfast room. Editors Lucie, Mathilde, Caro and Doro discuss an article by Mymy that has caused strong reactions on Rockie: stop inviting me to your weddings !

I interfere:

“At the same time, marriage is a huge taboo and full of social conventions. When I was getting married, I decided to dictate my own rules without worrying about it, but it’s a difficult choice.”

The girls are left speechless.

“ARE YOU ALMOST MARRIED?!” »

Oh yes, it is true that this story is not banal. Why not tell it about Rockie?

Marriage as a celebration of a beautiful relationship

On June 16, 2018, I was supposed to get married. More than a year later, it’s funny to say this to myself… and yet I have no regrets. To explain why I see it as good, let me take you back a bit.

A few years ago I met a guy with whom I fell deeply in love. Our relationship was obvious. We supported each other, did interesting projects together and enjoyed a simple and comfortable life. I had already had several relationships before him and so did he. Deep down I was sure: the next few years would definitely be kind to this guy.

At the time I didn’t imagine that I would spend my whole life with him, I didn’t intend to have children but I told myself: life is beautiful, our relationship is beautiful, What if we celebrated with the people who matter most to us? ?

So one night and after months of thinking, I proposed. With the help of a friend who has a YouTube channel, I shot a video that ended with the famous question: will you marry me?

To get him to watch it with me, I pretended to want his opinion before posting it.

Sign #1: Her Reaction to My Marriage Proposal

The reaction he got at the end of the video was not what I expected. Even though he was usually so enthusiastic and excited about new adventures, when he was asked the question, he didn’t react. He froze for several seconds and asked me:

“Oh ma! Wait, you want to get married? Oh! But like, should we have a party with our friends? When? But would it be a big wedding?”

His questions – rare pragmatism for the dreamer that he was – bothered me a little, but I asked anyway, “So, what do you think?” before answering, a little surprised: “Oh well yes! Yes, ok!”.

I had already tested the waters, with “if one day we get married”. I understood it later “what ifs” have been the worst enemies in my relationship. And if I hadn’t directly asked the question “would you like to get married (to me) someday?”, it’s probably because I was afraid of the answer. And that alone should have been a warning bell.. Deep down, I think if our relationship had been stronger, I wouldn’t have feared that the answer to this question could lead to a breakup.

Sign #2: Dodging essential questions

People who meet me on a daily basis know that I am a real force and once I get going I am nearly unstoppable.

But that was my second mistake: I should have slowed down and asked the right questions. And no, those questions weren’t “shall we invite my cousins?” Do you think your brother will want to host the evening? Shall we have cheese with the meals?”

These questions should have been: “What do you expect from marriage? How do you imagine us once we are married? Does this change anything for you? Where do you see us in 5, 10 years? How do you want to invest in our relationship? What do you not like about our relationship? And above all, can it be improved?”

Today, All these questions seem banal and confusing to me, yet at that moment I carefully avoided them..

I paid the price and learned a multitude of lessons that enrich my romantic relationships today. But when I think about it, wow, what a journey. No one taught me to ask these questions, to deal with this stomach ache of apprehension that is the sign of a deep and difficult discussion. And the result was that I wasted a lot of time making movies in my head because I didn’t know how to communicate well.

Do you understand now why the game “50 questions to improve” is particularly close to my heart?

Sign #3: Her involvement in wedding planning

When I was bored, I would wander through online marriage forums. I can’t count the number of times

I have read testimonials from brides-to-be who were wondering how to get their fiancé involved.

“Tell me, do you prefer chocolate or raspberry cake? The restaurant owner called, asking if we use Riesling or Sauvignon? Can your gluten-allergic aunt eat couscous?”

Not surprisingly, when it comes to marriage, the mental burden still often falls on girls.

But yeah, you know, it’s because we have this famous organizational gene! The one that boys don’t have, the same one that allows us to see the dirt in the apartment!

More seriously, while I am aware of this tendency and try not to invest too much in this project, I still feel like I have spent much more time thinking about it than my ex. By taking the initiative on many things, I have not given him his place and I felt like he was backtracking and agreeing to discuss it to please me.

If I had followed my beliefs and my requests, this should have made my heart skip a beat.

Unpopular opinion : Cancelling your wedding is not a big deal

Reading me you will find me very detached from all this. And you are right, today all this story is behind me and I do not regret anything.

But honestly, the first few months sucked and I really hit rock bottom.

It was necessary to announce to the hundred guests who had already booked the weekend of June 16 that the wedding would not take place. I was worried about their reaction, but empathy prevailed: they transmitted so much love and courage to us. This is one of the advantages of having only the people you want to see at your wedding. Even through trials, they are present and compassionate.

Annulling a Marriage: The Economic and Emotional Consequences

As for the catering we were lucky enough to meet very accommodating people and we didn’t leave too many feathers, even if the money lost always lingers in the throat… It’s a big waste.

For my part, I had just found the ideal dress and was ready to buy it when the cancellation was decided. I was lucky to lose almost nothing financially, also because as a good event planner I had negotiated the program well.

In the end, the hardest part was not canceling the wedding. I learned not to care about other people’s eyes, their judgment, their pity, what society judges as “good”/”not good”.

I didn’t care that people said that canceling your wedding “can’t be done”, just as I didn’t care that people judged us because we didn’t want to get married. planning or imposing the table dress code or take the name of one or the other.

NO, the hardest part was mourning the relationship I fantasized about and the future I planned.

By calling off the wedding and deciding a few weeks later to separate from my ex who wasn’t ready to rebuild our relationship, I felt like I was starting from scratch.

I had to learn to trust my instincts again, I had to work on my skills of communication and my fears and above all I had to relearn to trust others.

If I don’t regret anything it’s because I’m sure all these signs were just bad omens.indicators that our relationship wasn’t sustainable in the long term. And that’s okay, that’s just… it’s written.

What do we plan for in marriage? THE question to ask yourself to avoid canceling your marriage

It’s crazy what we unconsciously project into marriage. I saw it as a couple project, a celebration, an opportunity to have fun and an acknowledgement of this intangible thing called love. He, I realized much later, saw the end of his freedom and individuality.

Why did he say “yes” when he wasn’t sure of himself? It took me a while to figure it out. He himself was lost along the way and completely incapable of answering this question and we took some time to discuss it calmly again.

Looking back, I know now my marriage proposal precipitated a slow realization in him : in fact he was not happy as a couple. It’s not that he was not happy with me, he just needed to live for himself, not for us. For a while he thought he could deny his deep aspirations and continue in an exclusive couple model.

And then saying “no” to my marriage proposal meant jeopardizing all his comforts and his daily life, it meant having to make decisions and hurt me, which he didn’t want. So, like many guys who are a little lost… He followed him.

I no longer blame him and I will soon be grateful to him. Without these mistakes Without this ordeal, I would not have become what I am proud to be today.. Emotionally I grew and managed to transform this little cataclysm into a funny anecdote to tell at lunch.

Maybe this is proof that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

And you, have you had a similar experience? Come and share it on the forum!

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