When you live far away from your parents, it can be difficult to maintain a strong, regular bond between your children and their grandparents. New technologies make our lives much simpler in this sense, but is it enough?
Video calls to maintain the connection
When we live on the other side of the country or abroad, it is unlikely that our parents will regularly pick up our children after school, or that we will go to their house to eat one Sunday a month. It is then necessary to find other resources to maintain the bond and so that grandparents are truly part of their grandchildren’s lives.
“ The best way to maintain a regular connection is to stay connected to technology », advises Suzanne Vallières, psychologist from Quebec and co-author of the “Psy-guide for grandparents” published by Editions de l’Homme. “ For example, we can decide to have a fixed video call every Wednesday, so that grandparents can help the children review their math homework.. »
This is exactly what Myriam and her mother established, separated by a few hours’ drive. “ My daughter was born shortly before the first birth, my mother was forced to leave the maternity ward even though she had just arrived to meet her. We have gotten into the habit of doing FaceTime daily. Even though she didn’t get to see her again until several months later, my daughter knew her voice and her face, I let her watch the screen a little just for hers since she was little. With my mother she was always at ease with her even though she was really very shy. » This daily call continued and became a family tradition.
“ Today the habit is well established. We call each other names FaceTime 20 or 30 minutes every evening, before or during the meal. My mother reads him stories, we play riddles, we tell each other about our days, we draw, etc. We continue with my 8 month old son, he recognizes my mother’s voice, smiles when I let him look at the screen, and goes into her arms without worrying when he sees her “.
Amandine also made a lot of video calls with her parents when her daughter was very young. “ I’m 600 km away, so thanks technology! » These calls, however, tend to become rarer now. “ Now, at three and a half years old, he understands perfectly who I am, and changes less. There is no longer this feeling of necessity like before “.
Camille’s daughter, for her part, uses technology to write to her grandparents. “ Now that he knows how to write, he sends them little messages on WhatsAppthey have mini conversations. »But videos are also part of their relationship. “ We do one or two a month. During Covid we were underwater, they got into the habit of video calling him and reading books to him remotely. »
“ You can also film children’s performances live » suggests Suzanne Vallières. “ And grandparents may call kids more often when they know there’s an important test coming up, or when they hear the kids aren’t doing so well. »
Tools to consult daily
The bond can be maintained even outside of video chats and moments spent together. “ We have photo albums in our library with the whole family » says Amandine. “ And my mother made him a book, with a story built around nursery rhymes. She also made an audio recording of it. And she recorded reading another book. »
Camille’s daughter also has a photo album with the important people in her life. “ We watched it a lot when she was little, I had the impression that it allowed her to remember her grandparents. They also send him postcards. »
Even moments shared in person remain essential. Myriam sees her mother every two months. “ We would like him to come closer, my daughter asks for it a lot. While waiting to meet on Sunday for a coffee, let’s share our little moments on the screens! »
Camille also sees her parents every 6-8 weeks. “ AND in the summer she automatically spends a week alone with them, it’s their time for the three of them. But it’s also because my parents are in high demand, this is not the case with my in-laws who live much closer. They don’t have the same relationship with children at all. »
As for Amandine, she sees her family every 3-4 months. “ We are lucky enough to have the transportation and a fast train line to see each other. »Continuing to be able to see each other, despite the distance, sometimes becomes a privilege.
Grandparents involved
The key to maintaining the bond is for all adults to be involved. “ When children are young, maintaining the relationship is the responsibility of adults. So, children get into the habit and can help maintain this connection,” confirms Suzanne Vallières. “ We can be neighbors and not communicate, or we can live five hours away and talk to each other every week. Communication and investment are what make the difference in the relationship. »
And for grandparents, how can they best experience this distance?
“ They can regularly ask for photos, copies of report cards, it can give them the impression of being close to them and fill the gap. This also allows them to be able to show all this to their friends. », recommends the psychologist. “ But it is also necessary to schedule meetings at specific times of the year, for example at the beginning of the school year or at the beginning of the summer holidays. You must always know when the next meeting will take place. »
For Suzanne Vallières it is certain that grandparents can be involved in children’s lives even if they don’t live nearby. This is also the conclusion of the interviewees.
Amandine’s parents are sad that they cannot take over from her and will not be part of their granddaughter’s daily life. “ But they are still very present, and I have the feeling that they have a solid bond! My daughter talks about it often, she tells anecdotes, she has phases where she listens to her grandmother’s stories again and again. He is super happy to see them every time and after five minutes of shyness we no longer exist. It’s less part of everyday life, but as a result it’s always a treat to see them! »
“ My daughter LOVES my mom! » Myriam enthuses. “ They are very close, she looks forward to evening calls and I know my mother does too. »
And for Camille there is no doubt that the bond between her parents and her daughter is also strong. “ And now that they are retired, they were able to pick her up from school on a Friday night, which made them happy! I think we’ve all learned to manage the distance, we’ve found our tricks. »
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
