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Dear Daronne, how long should we wait before getting married?

La Daronne answers your questions trying not to be too off track.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’m living a daydream. Two months ago I fell in love with an amazing guy. After a first meeting spent laughing and telling each other about our lives, we never left each other again. We are the same age and the same desire to build, the same humour, the same values. I’m a pretty reasonable girl, and it’s never happened to me before when I was so sure about it, but this is obvious, especially since it’s mutual. We are sure that we want to live our life together.

His family has a beautiful country house in a city that I also love, but I plan to sell it next year. As a joke we said to each other that we could take advantage of this last summer to get married there. Since then we’ve thought about it more and more. Except that when we talk about it to our loved ones they tell us that it’s not serious, because we’ve known each other for six months. True, it hasn’t been that long, but we are sure of ourselves, so what should we do?

What do you think, dear Daronne?

Ana

My little support,

Oh love! (I still have the Light of voice The beauty and the Beast when I say this sentence in my head). Throughout my life I have met numerous couples like yours. Among these, I can name a few who did not survive long, and I have the example of wonderful partners who we eventually realized were not. However, I can also mention several who are preparing to celebrate theirs I don’t know how many times wedding anniversary, after a while you stop counting. They might get divorced one day, I’m not saying, but it won’t be because they met too soon.

So getting married quickly, good or bad idea? Well, it depends!

Is getting married as soon as you meet someone reasonable? NO

In general, people are advised to get to know each other well before embarking on a project together that will bind them closely and sometimes forever. If you think about it, that’s not a stupid recommendation. The risks of discovering disabling defects during the first months, or even the first years, of a romantic, professional or friendly relationship are quite high.

Finding yourself forever linked to a guy who voted for Nicolas Dupont Aignan in the first round of the 2022 presidential election, no thanks.

It also doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. For me it’s all a matter of luck. It is possible that the object of love at first sight will turn out to be a very correct and very suitable life partner. It’s also possible that it’s the hormones talking. Who knows ?

But after all, why not. Just read my entire article till the end.

Do crazy things for love? Why not

At this moment, in the evening, before going to sleep, I think about death. Yes, it’s a nice thought to fall asleep with. Brief. I tell myself that life is very short and this puts pressure on me, because I have to make the most of it quickly, otherwise it will be too late.


In light of my nocturnal anxieties I ask myself: isn’t it nice to have loved someone so strongly, so passionately that you decided to marry him after six months? And what really matters is that it lasts a lifetime, or to have had the pleasure and privilege of experiencing something like that? I vote for privilege (under certain conditions)!

We don’t always have to be reasonable in life, or even pretend to be. If some of your loved ones have difficulty understanding your decision, you don’t even need to convince them. Yes, you understand their doubts, in their place you would have them too, but you have to get to the bottom of it. Just that the worst that could happen to you is a bit of embarrassment when you realize that, in truth, he never hid his passion for Dupont Aignant from you and that it was just that in your delirium you had understood Poutou, because P and T .

Watch out for red flags

Be a little crazy in life, why not. You can be one of the lucky ones to turn the love at first sight test. As long as your spontaneity doesn’t have too disastrous consequences. If the story doesn’t work out, but ends in a peaceful divorce before everyone leaves for bluer skies, that’s not necessarily a tragedy.

However, I would like to warn you of a distressing truth: if it is perfect, it is because it is suspicious. We humans will always be limited to imperfect perfection. I recently discovered two terms that define wonderful beginnings of stories, to predict a sequel that will be much less so: the Love bombing and the Grooming. THE love bombing, it is the act of flattering one’s prey by complimenting her, admiring her behavior and appreciating her. This validation makes you addicted, midiluve will confirm it. THE Grooming consists of embodying the ideal person to seduce your victim, before showing his true face.

A sincere and healthy person has flaws, which he sometimes unsuccessfully tries to hide. These defects do not include jealousy or aggression. If it’s so perfect it’s like a Hollywood dream, watch out. Unless it’s Wes Andersen style. Even easy, if one of you has to sacrifice something important for this union to come true: your job, your freedom, your loved ones, your financial independence, your studies, etc.

Finally, new lovers or not, you will have to face the same issues as long-term couples who have decided to start a new life together: finances, living spaces, professional ambitions and family values, you have to take stock in advance.

I’m leaving you, I have to find Daron, it’s our tenth anniversary as a couple and we will organize the tenth wedding anniversary, it’s as little as possible.

The kiss,

Your Daronne


Listen to Apéro des Daronnes, Madmoizelle’s show that aims to break down taboos on parenting.

Source: Madmoizelle

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