- First name : Juliet
- Age : 29 years old
- Place of life : Paris
- Sexual and/or romantic orientation : pansexual
How long have you been single?
I broke up with my ex in October 2019, after six months of dating. He’s actually the person I’ve dated the longest.
I’ve had plenty of boyfriends and girlfriends, but I never stay with anyone for more than six months. I have a very complicated relationship with my biological father and I struggle to trust my partners due to my constant fear of abandonment. Consequentially, I tend to run away as soon as I start to develop feelingsfor fear of suffering.
How would you describe your single life?
I experience it very well. I have an eating disorder, so being in a serious relationship can sometimes be difficult for me as my mental state is constantly changing. My single choice allows me to focus on myself and heal at my own pace.
Does being single impact your friendship or family life?
In a certain sense yes, since my social life revolves around my friends and family. I have more time and energy to dedicate to them. Also, my friends, my mother and my stepfather are the most important people to me, so being able to dedicate more time to them makes me feel better.
Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?
Being single allows me to take time for myself and my mental health because I suffer from an eating disorder (TCA).
Does being single allow you things you couldn’t do as a couple?
It allows me to be more spontaneous, to focus on myself, my friends, my career. Since I have been living abroad for a long time, I sometimes go to visit my friends for a weekend or a week on a whim, but I can also go to a movie or an exhibition according to my wishes. Actually, being single allows me to be “selfish” and make me my priority. And it’s something I’ve needed for a long time.
Conversely, do you think being single stops you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?
No, I don’t think so because I can do all the “couple” activities with my friends. I’m an only child so I’m not afraid to do certain activities alone. But when I want to share them with someone, it is true that I have the reflex to do it with my friends. Going to a restaurant, having movie nights, going to the cinema or an exhibition, going on a trip… All this can be done with friends and I find that, in general, society places too much emphasis on couple activities.
Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?
No not at all. Before moving to Paris a year ago, I lived four years in Sweden, two years in New York and three years in Seoul. The only thing that changes, it’s dating culture which is more or less difficult to understand depending on the country.
In Korea, for example, things are moving very fast! We didn’t date for months before we called ourselves a “couple.” Koreans, in general, form a relationship very quickly. New York is the opposite! It is truly the kingdom of “situation”. You can act like a “couple” with someone and still not be considered one. In Sweden, men do not approach women and, in general, Swedes take their time when it comes to dating. But I find that in general, in our Western societies, there really is no longer any seduction and the one who loses is the one who feels feelings first.
Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?
Actively yes, but at my own pace. I’m really looking for a person I feel good with, not a relationship at all costs. Staying single until I find her doesn’t bother me.
I’m back on dating apps, but it’s not really what I prefer. Being pansexual, it’s more the energy of a person that attracts me, something that doesn’t come across on apps at all. Otherwise, when I hang out with my single friends, we help each other by being each other’s sidekick/woman.
I use dating apps in the evening, when I’m sitting at home or when I’m bored. I try to keep the number of games to a minimum otherwise I get anxious having to talk to multiple people at the same time. When I’m in tune with someone, I try to meet them as soon as possible to see if they are compatible in real life too.
How would you describe your relationship with dating?
I had so many not-so-great first dates when I met people through dating apps compared to now, I really go there without any expectations. I have a little more when it comes to someone I met in real life and vibed with irl.
How long does it take on average in your weeks to search for a partner?
Since I’m in no rush to start a relationship, I really do it when I feel like it and especially when I have time. My love life is very rarely my priority!
Does being single in love impact your sex life?
No, not really because celibacy does not mean abstinence. Between one night stands and masturbation, I’m pretty satisfied sexually. But I also don’t actively seek out one-night stands. If they turn out great, otherwise I always have my vibrator waiting for me at home!
Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?
Yes, because I see my friends getting engaged, married and having children but since that’s not the life I aspire to, I don’t feel any pressure. I know this is what society wants from me, but I know it’s not for me. But I’m tired of people telling me I’m demanding, that my standards are too high while they have no idea what my standards are. It’s the very principle of standards, to be high.
Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?
Since I live in Paris, yes. When I lived in Sweden, I was 64 meters2 at €1,000 a month and now I’m in a studio. I understand that in Paris it is easier to have a nice apartment as a couple than alone.
Do you have a dating budget?
No, but I go out sporadically because it’s expensive and I prefer to spend this money with my friends rather than during a less than stellar encounter that I will have forgotten in three months.
What are your plans for the future?
I have my annual trip to Seoul in a few months and right now I’d rather be single for it. I also started a new job, so that’s my priority.. If I meet someone who matches me, great, otherwise there’s no problem.
Do you have a story about being single to share?
In October I celebrated my one-year anniversary. It allowed me to take stock of myself, my mental health and the fact that I was able to leave an ex who wasn’t feeling well!
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
