” I thought we were the only weird family with my brother, like two out of two queer kids, that’s a lot, but the truth is, we are so much more than we think. exclaims Emma, a young lesbian woman, whose brother is also gay, learning of the number of testimonials received when this article was announced. In fact, more than 70 people told us they grew up in a sibling group made up of several queer adelphes. For family sociologist Gabrielle Richard no surprise:
“We have no statistics to define the proportion of this type of sibling in France. However, in terms of research, if we cross-reference the studies, young people aged 15-24 are more likely to be LGBT+ than their elders. Logic therefore dictates that the phenomenon of more queer children within the same family will only increase over the years. »
When strange lightning strikes the same family multiple times
Is it more complicated, or conversely easier, to be more queer in the same family? For many, it all depends on the parents. Elio, a non-binary young man with two gay brothers, testifies:
“The first coming out went unnoticed, I did it second, my mother didn’t take it very well, two out of three was a lot for her. Then my second brother came out and I made my mother cry on the phone, saying “three gay kids is a lot to swallow”. »
For sociologist Gabrielle Richard, the situation can actually get complicated from the first coming out:
“In our society, our institutions being cis-heteronormal, everyone is assumed to be cis-heteronormal by default. The family is no exception. Parents predict what their child will be. Being queer is already taking a break. It is assumed that this will only happen once within the same family. »
Reactions to a second coming out announcement can be much more complex than you think.
A double-edged coming out for those who follow
One would think in the first place that parents who have already dealt with the coming out of one of their children would be more informed and therefore more tolerant for a second. In reality, these coming outs are a double-edged sword. ” When my brother came out to the family, I hadn’t come out yet. I directly said to myself ‘Damn, one cigarette may pass but two will be possible, the village people will talk too much’ “, says Valentin, a young gay man.
No, who is a lesbian with gay siblings, she wondered if her weirdness really came from her or if it was perhaps the result of a desire to imitate the rest of her siblings:
“The hardest thing was getting in (expression that designates the awareness of one’s homosexuality and/or transidentity, ed), Definitely. You think you’re a lesbian because your brothers are gay and it’s really one thing, like I did Italian because my brother did Italian. I had a hard time accepting that you still have a right not to be straight, even if you just add to the pile. »
This fear of imitating one’s fellow man and therefore of feeling less legitimate is very common. If the former’s coming out was worse, the following may find it very difficult to make the announcement to their parents, Gabrielle Richard deciphers:
“We know that people trying to come out are looking for signs of openness. What is necessarily significant is an individual’s coming out and how it was perceived. We might consider it a facilitating sign. However, it is not often in these terms that games are played. For the seconds who are dating, there’s this idea that it’s not possible for parents who have already experienced a queer child. We use terms related to mourning, which is horrible, when parents face the departure of a child, there is an idea of rupture, of laceration. If it is difficult for a first child, the second would come to press on this break, it can be very complicated. »
Fortunately, solidarity is very often required between brothers, sisters or companions.
An infallible adelfia
With two out of two, or even more, queer children in some families, LGBT+ issues are a part of everyday life, whether parents are open to the issue or not. ” It is a pleasure that my sister evolves in the same circles as me, that we agree on our readings and points of view even if not always. It’s also nice to be able to discuss our two experiences of lesbianism, which varies with age or death, for example. It’s very rewarding “Details Charlotte, about her lesbian sister like her. Pedagogy with parents, exchanges on community issues that are good for you, the feeling of not being alone with homophobic loved ones: the advantages of having a queer companion in the family are many. To the sociologist Gabrielle Richard to conclude:
“With this subject we find ourselves between the idea of the family of origin and that of the chosen family. If an adelphe comes out, we can tell ourselves that we were raised together, but that his brother/sister/adelphe also experiences the same dynamic of doubt. It is the possibility of having a strong ally in familiar contexts that are not always obvious. »
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
