Lesbian Asian mom I write inclusive children’s books to show my son other role models

I am Silvia Lia racialized lesbian author, second generation Teochew (a Chinese ethnic group) in France, and mother of a child conceived with ART in Belgium.

I was born and raised in Seine-Saint-Denis, in a traditional Chinese heteropatriarchal family with immigrant parents who arrived in France clandestinely in the hope of a better future.

“For a long time I forbade myself from becoming a mother”

I managed to free myself from the heteronormative model of my family to accept and live freely my lesbianism that I discovered at 17 with my first girlfriend.

Emancipation was very difficult because my homosexuality was not easily accepted within my family. One of the main causes is that in the Asian community we must not lose face. Gold, having a homosexual child remains very taboo, even shameful. It took a long time for my parents to accept that I could love a woman.

For a long time I forbade myself to become a mother, as if being a lesbian and a mother are incompatible in my subconscious. But that’s probably because I missed positive representations of women who were both lesbians and mothers.

As a lesbian, I was lucky not to experience social pressure to give birth. When my mother found out I was a lesbian, she gave up being a grandmother with me, as if being a lesbian meant being infertile.

My desire to become a parent sprouted with the birth of my nephew in 2017. When I saw my brother and sister-in-law happy to take care of a small child, I wanted to love a child too and experience these moments of happiness, sharing and transmission. I won’t hide it, I knew being a parent was difficult given the dark circles they had at the time.

A PMA course abroad

With my girlfriend I met in 2016 who became my wife, we decided together to trust each other, to overcome these psychological blocks and to start our rainbow family.

At the time, as the law on bioethics had not yet been approved, we carried out an assisted reproduction course in Bruges, Belgium. During our journey, we met mostly benevolent doctors.

After 3 round trips, 2 artificial inseminations between 2017 and 2018, I got pregnant and gave birth to our son. I know that we are very lucky to have had a child after only two attempts.

“Two Moms Are Too Many”

Today our son is 4 years old. Last year he told me: “Two moms are too many, I just want a mom and a dad. » I took this sentence, which he only uttered once, like a big punch in the face. I cried and even when I say it again, tears are in my eyes.

Era a great awareness of the heteronormativity of our society. With this sentence my son translates his need to conform to the dominant norm: the heteronormative family. For him, being like the others means having a mom and a dad.

So I told myself it was important that he he knows the amazing story of his own conceptionbecause he will learn at school that to have a baby you need a dad and a mom, while he has two moms.

And for this I decided to write The conception of Leo with PMA that tells our adventure with a lot of poetry and pedagogy. It’s a book at the crossroads between anti-racism and the fight against homophobia, the little hero has Asian features and two mothers.

It is thanks to my son and listening to his needs that I learned about it the importance of the representation of LGBT families in children’s literature.

My approach is really personal. I write mainly for my son and I just hope that one day, will be able to say “Two mothers, it’s so beautiful!” ».

I also count through my books work for a more inclusive and less discriminatory societywhy my son did not choose to have Asian traits and even less to have two mothers, but I know that he could be a victim of racism or lesbophobia, as I have experienced myself.

“I wanted to be completely free from every word and every pencil stroke”

My manuscript has gone through many versions between the first, which dates back to December 2021, and the latest version in March 2022. I really cared the illustrations complete the storybecause children mostly read with pictures.

So I made the four-handed illustrations with Vy Tran, a Vietnamese illustration.

This is also why I chose self publishing. I wanted to be totally free from every word and pencil stroke of the illustrator. Other racialized authors had also told me of their great difficulties in getting published by a French publishing house.

When the electronic version of the book was released in July 2022, straight parents asked me questions about our trip that were unfamiliar to them. At the same time, the French media took notice an evaluation of the law on bioethics. I therefore took a close interest in this law and carried out a work of analysis and synthesis of this documentary research.

The joy I had felt after the enactment of the law was quickly replaced by negative emotions. I was sad to see him the path to founding a lesbo-parent family remained fraught with pitfalls in Franceeven though the law had extended PMA to female couples and single women.

I was angry to find out of social mothers could not assert their parental rights, even though they had done everything in the rules. I was also saddened to learn that lesbian women put themselves in complicated legal situations out of ignorance of RCA (Advanced Joint Recognition), the new parentage mechanism proposed by this bioethics law.

This is why I decided to add a second part reserved for adults and which is entitled: ” How to found a homoparental family, before and after the bioethics law of August 2, 2021?“.

For the publication of the paper version of this album, knowing that I am an unknown author, I sought the support of various associations that fight for LGBT rights and against anti-Asian racism. I am very proud to have achieved the support of the International League against Racism and Anti-Semitism (LICRA), the association Les Enfants d’Arc en Ciel and the Association des Jeunes Chinois de France (AJCF) for the promotion of this album. It has also been tested and validated by the APGL, the Collectif Familles and the Ourses à plumes.

Recently, during the Lantern Festival, I proposed to my mother to hold the booth with me. Her presence was really important, because she demonstrated support for my literary and militant project, but above all becausehe ended up accepting me as I am and no longer as he wanted me to be.

I am very happy to know that my parents walked by deconstruct their patriarchal family model to love their daughter unconditionally.

Raise children’s awareness of the diversity of families

I really enjoy my work as an author, especially when meeting young readers, because it allows me to interact with children, to sensitize them to racism, homophobia and the diversity of families.

Since January 2023, with the prevention and education center of the AJCF, I organize literary meetings around The conception of Leo with PMA in schools, media libraries, cultural centers to prevent racism and anti-LGBT hatred.

Really It is important that young people today can discover inclusive books, in order to develop their empathy and benevolence towards children who have Asian traits or who have a different family model. A CM2 teacher who has an inclusive library in her class confirmed to me that children might initially find it amusing to see a hero with two mothers, but thatafter the fourth or fifth book, it’s not even a topic for them anymore.

The children I’ve met they were very attentive during the meeting and asked many questions politely. I was very happy to be able to explain to them that love makes families and that they can take many forms.