‘Instead of going on adventures, I chose you’: what Lucie should have said to her ex

Before I met you, I was bored.

So instead of going on the adventures that made me want to, I chose you. You would have been my adventure. I didn’t do it very subtly, but you found it fascinating, you even said that I approached you with “style and enthusiasm”.

You followed me, you loved me and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be loved by you.

With you I would never get bored, that was for sure.

I drank in your words when you told me about your travels, and sometimes I said: Will you take me? »

You were saying : “ yes we will go but you don’t need me to go » You encouraged me, but I was too afraid to go alone and that’s why my adventure was you. It was a sweet adventure, safe, exhilarating but comfortably installed in the crook of your arms.

Sometimes I felt that your brain was annoyed because I pretended to be free and independent, and you discovered my weaknesses. But in truth it softened you, made you feel useful, protective, so you redoubled your kindness and attention and I wondered how you got so lucky. I imagined that there was a God, sometimes a Goddess, and I said to him: “thank you, thank you, thank you”.

Years went by, we settled down, talked about kids, and even spent a Sunday afternoon talking about tax breaks. I thought ” kill me now “. I looked at you and saw that you were dreaming of an afternoon with a few more beers and a lot more waves, but you stayed in your role, you asked questions, history.

The excitement of the beginning subsided and the adventure was no longer such. I got bored again and died too. I wanted everything a little less. Less desire to go out, less desire to discover, less desire for you, less desire for the beach, less desire for salt on the skin.

Sushi, Netflix and plaids. After all, weren’t we okay? Isn’t that what couples do anyway?

You blamed me for my lack of desire, so I tried to go back to the way I used to be, the one you called the “carefree” one, the one who was always laughing, not necessarily because it was funny, but because being with you was the best thing in the world.

We bought a van to go on an adventure, but the adventure never returned. I was frustrated and turned off, but thought it would be worse without you.

My identity was to be your girlfriend and I was proud of that.

I couldn’t leave you, so you did. You didn’t wait for me outside, you told me it was useless, you found us pathetic with our tears in the middle of the street. So you left me and I have never felt so alone as in that precise moment, my life enclosed in 3 suitcases.

I have since learned about solitude and freedom, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes sad, sometimes dizzying, sometimes WTF and sometimes quite funny. I turn it on again, I move slowly, not knowing very well where I’m going but I no longer have resentment, only tenderness.