October 1, 2021
If the heterosexual couple remained for a certain period a point of shadow of the most eminent feminist theories, today the topic is at the center of all attention. The success of the podcast proves it The heart on the table by journalist Victoire Tuaillon or the spectacular launch of the latest essay by essayist Mona Chollet, Reinventing Love: How Patriarchy Sabotages Heterosexual Relationships.
And beyond the theory, there is the practice. Many women reject the classic model of the heterosexual couple and they are increasingly numerous to impose their conditions on the men they date, to rethink their relationships or to favor romances between women. Encountered.
Toxic couples full of male domination
The tiredness of married life, many of them have experienced it and they estimate in retrospect that it brings more disadvantages than advantages. Silvana is one of them.
After more than twenty years of marriage, this music librarian has decided to separate from her husband who, over time, has been more of a burden than a traveling companion: “ to my friends, I joked that I had three children: my son, my daughter and my husband “.
The joke takes on a bitter taste when the fifty-year-old explains, in a light tone, that she has taken charge of all the household chores in the house. Due to lack of time, she had been forced to give up most of her hobbies – while her husband never missed an evening with her friends “her, between men “.
For Sylvaine, who remained single for several years after her divorce, Finding a man is possible, but on one condition : “ I want to be independent, however, I still want to be in a romance she analyzes.
The impression of undergoing a form of domination within her couple, Galina claims to have experienced it too. At the height of her twenty-two, this English master’s student has already lived a relationship that she no longer hesitates to describe as abusive :
” I was with a guy who always insisted on having sex, even when I didn’t want to. Over time, I realized that this was emotional blackmail. »
The words chosen are weak: pressuring someone to give into a relationship is sexual assault.
No longer living under the same roof as a man
Another solution, adopted by some women, would be to no longer take the step, important in terms of independence, of living with a man — “ see someone once in a while “Sums up Sylvaine.
A more episodic relationship in which each would have their space and thus allow to put an end to the mental burden that always falls on women, while sharing the good times.
” I really like the expression “date”” abounds Julie, forty-four. For this principal of a high school in southwest France, it’s necessary to have a relationship that worksmaintain a healthy relationship with loneliness.
” I have often observed that people around me are more inclined to do this accepting dysfunctional relationships in order not to be alone. »
As a result, the fifties does not share his apartment with the man she’s been dating for a few months:
“ It’s not perfect, but at least we only see each other when we have time to spare. I’m often busy with my job and therefore unavailable, I don’t want to pass these moments on to someone I live with. »
“I don’t get into long relationships anymore”
For other women, often younger and born with a more present feminism, the heterosexual couple represents a dead end. Galin explains:
” I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I don’t close the door permanently, But I have a feeling that relationships with men are all the same and i don’t want it now. »
Across the table, Marie-Lea, twenty-three, nods. ” I noticed that I’ve always been attracted to guys who weren’t good with themselves and always ended up being a nurse », details this graduate of a license in performing arts.
In order not to face the problem anymore, he prefers short and more ephemeral relationshipsin which she feels less obliged to project herself:
” What is certain is that I no longer venture into long relationships, which never work. »
For feminist actress Typhaine D, the question posed differently:
” I’ve had a long relationship with a man, which became egalitarian because I raised him in feminism. But I wouldn’t wish any woman to spend so much time raising a man. »
When she got involved in feminist causes, This 30-year-old activist realizes his attraction to womenwhich he had never considered before,” probably due to lack of representation “.
” I think everyone is more or less bisexual, that the prism is broader than just a binary between straight and homosexuality. »
Typhaine finally separates from her partner for the sake of another woman. Not from ” purism “, he specifies, ” this is not to deny my heterosexual experience “. But because she has the fortune » be bisexual, today she makes the choice not to have relationships with men anymore.
” For feminism, I now choose to only date women. Of course, not everything is perfect, but relationships are often richer than with men, especially since the emotional investment is shared. »
Sylvaine, Galina, Marie-Léa, Julie, Typhaine are making their way, even knowing that there is no turnkey solution to free the heterosexual couple from the mechanics of domination. This will require reinvent it – which many women do, each in their own way.
Photo credit: Jazmin Quaynor / Unsplash
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Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
