“It’s part of the tradition”: circumcised by our mothers, let’s try to understand

The first time my mother told me about female circumcision it was to express how much she hated the practice. I was 13 at the time.

One evening in Conakry, a week after celebrating my 19th birthday, he told me via voicemail: “You are not the first, you will not be the last”. I was mutilated the next morning.

One question still haunts me today: why this reversal of the jacket? I asked several women who have experienced this trauma how much they thought their mother was responsible for what happened to themand what factors may have influenced their decision.

The shared responsibility of mothers in cutting

According to one of the survivors interviewed:

“A mother who does not want her daughter to be circumcised does not send her to the ‘slaughterhouse’. It’s not just something to have your 11-year-old daughter travel to presumably meet her family, and that she’s ultimately circumcised.

However, some cultures, such as the Fulani, assign the paternal aunt almost equal place to the mother. Analyzes it a woman of the first generation who is no longer circumcised in the family “If I had been circumcised, I think my aunt would have been responsible for at least 80%”.

Second, it’s also worth mentioning that although fathers tend not to be involved in stories of cutting, “the authority my father has over my mother did not give her a chance to refuse”according to one survivor interviewed.

While mothers are held accountable for the circumcision of their daughters, one may wonder because they would like to perpetuate this act, which they themselves have experienced – and often to even more extreme levels than we know today…

In fact, it was common for women of the time to undergo infibulation, a technique that has now become rare, as it is dangerous. It designates the removal of the glans penis of the clitoris and the labia minora, as well as the suturing of the labia majora, leaving only a small orifice for urine and other vaginal fluids to flow out.

The importance of what will be said leading to excision

“I don’t think my grandmother is into practice, I think it’s mimicry. She stopped cutting her after the death of one of her daughters; she shows that she has thought about it and decided that it won’t happen again in this family. »

As demonstrated by this testimony given by a woman interviewed, many West African companies attach paramount importance to peer review. Not following traditions means ostracizing oneself and dishonoring one’s family.

The gap in access to education between women and men should also be remembered: many women, even today, have little or no education because they grew up with the aim of becoming mothers and housewives. They will therefore leave the people they deem fit (men) to express themselves on subjects they do not control, including customs and traditions.

Extremely sensitive to the gaze of others, many mothers will tend to prioritize their family’s reputation over the well-being of their daughterswhich, of course, will have dire consequences on the physical and mental health of the survivors.

The day before my mutilation, my aunts told me:

“You have to do it, it’s part of the tradition. If you don’t, you won’t be able to remain faithful to your husband. If you don’t, people will say you’re a “bilakoro” [un terme péjoratif désignant une femme non excisée, ndlr]. »

So do mothers object of a form of indoctrinationas one survivor put it:

“When we hear them well, our mothers all have the same excuses to legitimize the practice. They bathed us. »

Do we blame our mothers for circumcised us?

Most of the women interviewed found it difficult to do this define how they feel about their mother after circumcision. A survivor of the Fulani culture says:

“If I blame one person, it’s my aunt, for wanting to circumcise me when I wasn’t her daughter and she knew my mother was against it. I want it a lot. »

When it comes to our mother, several factors come into play. One woman relates:

“I don’t blame her for me, but if she has to do it to my little sisters, then yes. »

The age at which one was mutilated can also play a role, as one circumcised woman at age 3 recounts:

“I blame him, no. It’s something I experienced when I was very young, I don’t remember. »

Furthermore, the circumstances under which the mutilation was performed must also be taken into consideration. A survivor explains:

“It was staged to make me believe my mother was against it, only when I tell her about it now, she dares to say that ‘they didn’t cut anything.’ It’s trauma and always will be, so I think so, I blame him. »

For my part, I have prayed for complications, even death, I was so mad at my mother for putting reputation above my welfare.

A circumcised woman is a woman we want to keep out of the female class. A woman to whom we want to make it clear that pleasure during sex is reserved for men. This is a woman we want to leave in a state of perpetual suffering. What’s the point of living your sexuality freely if you don’t like it?

This is what makes female genital mutilation one of patriarchy’s most violent weapons.

But nothing is lost when you know that young women like Hadja Idrissa Bah and her association, the Young Girls Leaders Club, are fighting to educate people and put an end to the practice in Guinea. In France, organizations such as the Ubuntu Project focus on raising awareness in middle and high schools.

When I returned from Guinea, the only thing my mother told me was “You shouldn’t tell anyone”. Problem : I am determined to make as much noise as possible to end this scourge.

Illustration: Aude-Line Bénazet