The beautiful encounter that made me believe again in the magic of Christmas

December 14, 2017

Christmas joy, when you’re a kid with a rather large family, it may seem trivial. It’s like having two eyes or two ears, you feel like you were born with the full package of Advent joy.

happy childhood memories

I have an older sister, two cousins ​​with whom I used to celebrate systematically on the evening of the 24th at my paternal grandparents’ house, since I was a child.

We often dragged our feet with my sister. As in any family, there are times when you want to find her more than others. I even remember one night when I absolutely wanted to see the end of an episode of Calamity Jane Up And cartoons. We always arrived last, it made the others laugh, it almost became our signature.

At midnight, “Santa Claus” (in turn: my grandfather, my father or my uncles, who gave away a sometimes old, sometimes huge, sometimes black-moustached Santa Claus) would drop by to deliver the presents.

We too liquid He sang Little Santa Claus, My Christmas tree and off to the gifts. My cousins ​​kept theirs intact until 12:05 and after bye they were reduced to pieces. It was hellish at the time, and now it makes me laugh a lot. We kept this tradition (as well as that of couscous on the 26th with my maternal grandparents, a choice of meal that I’ve never been able to explain) until the death of our paternal grandfather. I was 8 years old.

Family events that transform the holidays

Looking back on it, I remain convinced that he was a huge pillar to our family and that his death spawned a whole series of events that made it cordially left in the balls.

Some of my recollections of the end-of-year celebrations that followed are extremely fuzzy.

What is certain in any case is that the desire was gone… We had to meet two, even three times at Christmas and then dropped the case.

Subsequently, my parents separated. I think about what shattered my last remnants of faith at Christmas this is my first time meeting alone with my mother.

My father was officially gone. My sister had stayed in the city where she was doing her high school studies and I think it was too hard for her to go back. Sis’, I feel like we never really talked about this but if I’m wrong, I’m sorry.

When anger turns Christmas into a time of solitude

That night my mother tried it do his best, took me to see a lovely and magically decorated village, and then we got into the car looking for a restaurant, in vain. We ended up in front of the TV with Arthur, a toast and a lump in my throat.

And finally we went to eat dessert with my father’s sister who welcomed us kindly and whom I kiss tenderly.

It’s, in my opinion, the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, because of this feeling of loneliness, ofinjustice and the anger I felt.

After that day, my Christmases have turned bitter and I tried to stay in a festive spirit, without much conviction. You know, this joy felt suddenly shared by the whole universe, precisely because the period requires it, which we end up running.

This moment where we start to see nothing but commercialism, hypocrisy. And that literally spins the sheaf.

Beautiful encounters, and the return of Christmas joy

It doesn’t seem like it, but the story ends well, don’t worry.

6 years ago, I met my boyfriend. He has a family incredibly close-knit. This is also what characterizes it the most, in my opinion. At the first meal in front of this large table where people talk loudly, laugh even louder, shout, I was speechless in front of the show.

I also remember my stepfather often telling me “ You never talk, are you shy? “. The truth is that in the face of such a vortex, yes, I was a bewildered, amused, but silent spectator.

I quickly learned that my boyfriend had an older sister who he lost when he was young. I saw how hard it was every year for my in-laws to keep their hearts happy because their daughter was missing, she and the siblings were missing so much.

Yet they don’t have it she’s not afraid to pour in some more love, to be even more united, to be ever more generous towards one another. If it’s a perfect family? Obviously not. But she is one who loves herself A LOT.

Over the years, I looked forward to returning to his family, wondering what I would find as a gift to surprise and spoil them.

It also made me want to spend more time with my parents, and it brought me back to basic pleasure: to be together.

The simple joys that made me love the holidays

Here is an excerpt from all i like now at christmas :

• The emotion when we meet my mother or my boyfriend’s family at the station.
• The mountain of different cakes my mother used to make at the time.
• When my sister moans softly because one in twelve guys is missing.
• When we do the tree on the 24th at my boyfriend’s parents’ house and I prick my fingers (at my mother’s we have had the same synthetic tree since I was born).
• When my sister hands me her wrapped present and says, “ You must… excuse me like Chandler when he gives Cathy his lousy present Friends.
• When my grandparents give me the same box of chocolates every year.
• When my stepfather asks me every new year if I want to taste an oyster (NO).
• When we cry like madeleines with my in-laws on the station platform when we walk out and embrace in a big collective hug.

True, I still have some tears in my eyes when I sing My Christmas tree. But I’m surrounded by such an ocean of lovetenderness and joy that Now I feel in my place during these end-of-year holidays.

So you who are reading these lines may have it also lost the Christmas hype. Beyond Christmas, because it is “just a holiday”, perhaps above all you have lost faith in the family spirit.

Whatever the reason, if you feel like it, know that I send you all the love in the world, I think to youand I’m keeping my fingers crossed that, like me, you’ll find it soon.

Photo credit: Toni Cuenca /Unsplash