Domino Kirke has urged social media users to get over it after facing continued backlash from fans who blame her for husband Penn Badgley's decision to stop filming sex scenes.
The 42-year-old singer and doula posted a video to Instagram on Monday addressing direct messages she continues to receive regarding the 39-year-old actor's choice to step away from intimate screen scenes. Kirke stated that she was proud of her husband for making the decision for his own mental health and relational hygiene.
Badgley, who stars in the hit television series You, originally revealed in 2023 that he had asked show creators for no more intimacy scenes out of concern that he would always be cast as a romantic lead.
Addressing ongoing backlash
Kirke explained in her video statement that despite years having passed since Badgley made the career decision, critics continue to message her directly on social media to assign blame.
"So I continue to get DMs about this thing that happened about three years ago," Kirke said in the clip. She emphasized that stepping away from intimacy scenes represents a significant boundary in the television and film industry.
"It's really major in his industry because that’s the thing they like you to do, and the characters that my husband has played over the years, people have come to expect that he will continue to play that guy," Kirke added.
Relational hygiene in Hollywood
Kirke expressed full support for Badgley's stance, noting that she understood the magnitude of his choice from the start.
"When he decided he didn’t want to do this anymore, I was super happy for him, very proud of him because I understood how major it was," she said. "And yeah, it’s just relational hygiene, and I practiced this, I strive to practice this in my career as a doula."
She added: "I am not just Penn Badgley’s wife, I also do things like support people in making these kinds of decisions for themselves and their careers."
Badgley is best known for portraying Joe Goldberg in the Netflix psychological thriller series You and Dan Humphrey in the teen drama series Gossip Girl. Kirke, an English-American musician and certified birth doula, has worked in birth support for 17 years. A birth doula is a non-medical professional trained to provide physical and emotional guidance during pregnancy, labor, and postpartum care.
Child actors and boundaries
In an extensive written caption accompanying her video, Kirke addressed long-running internet rumors claiming she had forced Badgley to refrain from filming explicit scenes.
"A few years ago, the internet decided I’d asked my husband to stop doing sex scenes. The truth is, my husband decided to do this for his own mental health reason," she wrote. Pointing to Badgley's long career, which began when he was 12 years old, she noted: "After working in the industry since he was just 12 years old, believe me, it was time. In the entertainment world, they call actors 'puppets' behind their backs, and it’s even more disturbing when they start out as child actors."
Kirke drew comparisons between caregiving professions and Hollywood, observing that both fields frequently encourage individuals to sacrifice personal boundaries.
"They’re constantly allowing folks to blaze past their boundaries all in the spirit of being accommodating or in my husband’s case, entertaining," Kirke wrote. She added that performers and birth professionals are often expected to bleed to create so much for others while being expected to return home and show up for their families as though nothing happened.
Family life and future work
Kirke and Badgley married in 2017. The couple share three biological sons together, and Badgley is a stepfather to Kirke's son from a previous relationship.
Reflecting on her own experience with burnout after 17 years on call as a doula, Kirke wrote that caregivers and artists are the people society most needs to protect.
She concluded by noting that Badgley's choice has not harmed his acting career. "So finally, after years of trying, Penn decided to take a stand and let the world see him. And guess what, he hasn’t lost fans and he’s still getting hired!" Kirke wrote. She also announced she is offering a nine-week virtual workshop starting October 6 for caregivers looking to establish healthier boundaries, noting that only three spots remain open.
